Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Just done a HIIT workout and if anyone sees me trying to do that again just go ahead and hiit me in the face.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

I had big plans to sleep in today, but my bladder canceled.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Don’t let anyone treat you like a red flag, you’re the whole damn red carpet, baby.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

When you really want to slap someone, do it and say, “Mosquito!

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Everyone is getting idioter.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

For introverts, the worst kind of head-on collision is running directly into the person we’re avoiding at the grocery store.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s being annoyed by stupidity.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Normalize bed-rotting in the holidays and not feeling guilty about it for your mental health.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

I have never seen a sad person sliding down a water slide.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

I’ve named my couch American Idle.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,296

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via YouTube:

My mind is like someone dumped the entire junk drawer on a trampoline.

Just landed via WeChat:

Tuesday is just another Monday, but reheated.

Making waves on Facebook:

Maybe if we sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

Seen just now on X:

My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.

Live now on Twitch:

According to a study, people believe anything that starts with ‘according to a study’.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Whoever said “Out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.

Just landed via X:

Thinking after a concert that the artist liked your city/show the most is like thinking the bartender flirted with you.

Trending via WeChat:

I’m the Usain Bolt of running late.

Just landed via Telegram:

I don’t do “casual.” I’m like an 18th-century vampire. When I fall in love, my devotion is boundless and eternal.

Trending via Reddit:

If the math problems are too difficult for me, I post them online and write: “Only 1 in 10 can solve this problem.”

I would love to have children one day. Two days maximum.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Planning for children? Make it a short and sweet affair – two days max! 😂👶 #ParentingGoals"

children, commitment, day, days, family, humor, i, love, parenting, sarcasm

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I haven’t lost my virginity because I never lose.

2 months ago

confidence, humor, joke, lose, lost, relationship, virginity
Website: We use cookies to improve performance. Me: Same.

2 months ago

cooky, humor, internet, me, performance, relatable, same, self-deprecation, snack, technology, website
Everybody has a girlfriend and a boyfriend, and I’m over here like “I love food”.

2 months ago

boyfriend, food, girl, girlfriend, love
If I were a mouse and I lived in Moscow, I would think, haha, I live in Mousecow!

23 hours ago

animal, city, humor, i, live, lived, Moscow, mouse, pun, think, wordplay
An adventure and a dragon would cure me.

2 months ago

adventure, cure, dragon, escapism, fantasy, fun, humor, me, whimsy
It’s fun getting room service. I just love eating a $19 hamburger at a desk in front of a mirror.

2 months ago

desk, dining, eating, front, fun, getting, hamburger, humor, i, indulgence, just, love, luxury, mirror, restaurant, room, room service, service, solo, solo dining

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on Slack this month:

Have y’all tried calories? They’re so good.

18 shares on Pinterest this month:

Not sure who needs to hear this, but make your bloody bed.

55 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.

10 shares on Twitch this month:

Live, laugh, lie to the doctor about how many drinks you have per week.

59 shares on Snapchat this month:

“Age is just a number!” Yeah, the older I get, the number I feel.

41 shares on X this month:

I feel for my kids, who had to take in the groceries and put them away today. They may never recover from this traumatic experience.

100 shares on X this month:

I wasn’t made to hustle and bustle. I was made to dilly and dally.

41 shares on Reddit this month:

I was gonna brush up against you like a cat, but whatever, bro.

32 shares on YouTube this month:

People who read and do research will always sound crazy to people who don’t.

23 shares on X this month:

“This is a great weekend to clean out the garage,” according to my wife and other people who won’t be cleaning the garage.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Me in hell: “So did it hurt when you fell from heaven.” Lucifer: “Get out!”

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Jobs are so clingy. Why do you need to see me 40 hours a week?

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Live, laugh, leftovers.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Suicide is never the answer, you gotta outlive your enemies.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

I don’t jump to conclusions, I cannonball into them like a boss.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

My morning routine is basically just me convincing myself not to go back to bed.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Opening up is like talking to a cop: anything you say can and will be used against you.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Every time I have to repeat myself, a new curse word gets added into the sentence.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

I followed my heart. It led me to the fridge.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Getting accused of using AI when you didn’t is like this century’s version of a witch allegation.

Making waves on Instagram:

I hate having a body, it’s so high maintenance. Shower this, eat that, drink this, sleep that, it’s all very stupid.

Going viral on Messenger:

I love when my Uber driver and I both shut the hell up for a full ride.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

One thing I will never understand about adulthood is how I’m supposed to make appointments if I work full time and every place closes at 6 p.m.

Going viral on Slack:

You can always tell when a man’s mustache is performative and not representative of his true spirit.

Freshly posted on X:

Vanilla perfumes are so nice. It’s like walking into a bakery but you are the bakery.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Sorry to interrupt your scrolling, but I hope life gets better for you.

Just landed via Pinterest:

The worst part about waking up is all the remembering.

Seen just now on X:

A 20% discount sounds great until you realize you can’t afford the other 80%

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Some days you just feel like a hotel microwave. You’re here, but you don’t have enough power to actually do anything.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I would love to have children one day. Two days maximum.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I haven’t lost my virginity because I never lose.

Website: We use cookies to improve performance. Me: Same.

Everybody has a girlfriend and a boyfriend, and I’m over here like “I love food”.

If I were a mouse and I lived in Moscow, I would think, haha, I live in Mousecow!

An adventure and a dragon would cure me.

It’s fun getting room service. I just love eating a $19 hamburger at a desk in front of a mirror.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨