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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

People who can’t tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals are missing the point.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m not saying I’m messy, but if Copperfield knew what I can make disappear, he’d be jealous.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Avoid calls from pesky bill collectors by not paying your phone bill.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Today I told my daughter she’s giving me a headache! She told me “For suggestions and complaints, contact the manufacturer.”

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

He who laughs last didn’t get it.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Your Majesty” would be the best name for a cat.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,833

Funny Quotes Topics

17,014

Funny Quotes Images

14,833

Updated

Dec 9, 2025

Users Online

3,600

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

Breaking via Slack:

There will only be world peace if we get another Gangnam Style.

Seen just now on Threads:

Shit posting is cheaper than therapy.

Going viral on Snapchat:

What do you call it when everything pisses you off but you’re good at not murdering people?

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

As everyone was arguing about politics, no one saw me leave with the cake.

Making waves on Instagram:

If reports from this daisy are accurate, she loves me not.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending.

If a door closes, I’m just going to open it again.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Who knew doors needed manners? 🚪🙄🤷‍♂️

again, determination, door, going, humor, just, motivation, open, persistence

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t really do one-night stands, but I will do, like, 3-8 months of a semi-toxic, undefined relationship that wastes my time and ruins my life.

2 months ago

dating, humor, i, life, life ruining, months, one-night, one-night stand, relationship, ruining, ruins, sarcasm, semi-toxic, semi-toxic relationship, stand, time, time-wasting, undefined, undefined relationship, wasting
Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

1 month ago

advice, conversation, drinking, drunk, humor, i, intoxication, irony, listen, self-reflection, self-talk, stop, talking, tell
Went to the gym two days in a row. This is a fitness account now.

5 months ago

account, days, exercise, fitness, gym, humor, motivation, routine, row, workout
I hurt my bottom after shaking it at the office party. It was a twerk-place injury.

1 month ago

after, bottom, dance, humor, hurt, i, injury, office, party, shaking, twerk, workplace
People who live alone should get one practice conversation before they have to speak out loud for the first time that day.

4 weeks ago

alone, anxiety, before, communication, conversation, day, humor, live, loneliness, loud, people, practice, should, social, social anxiety, speak, time
I hate when someone on a magazine cover stares at me while I eat.

3 weeks ago

awkward, awkward moment, cover, eat, eating, hate, humor, i, magazine, magazine cover, me, moment, someone, stare, stares, while

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

I be like, “I needed this,” and it’s just me getting drunk.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Sometimes I’m just so exhausted I have to go to bed and scroll my phone for the next 2-3 hours.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Opening up is like talking to a cop: anything you say can and will be used against you.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

I’m not talking to my husband and I don’t think he even knows it.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

It used be called “talking to yourself” but the new term for it is “podcasting”.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

A blind guy felt my face and said, “Wonderful.”

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

If a tree falls in a forest and doesn’t make a sound, maybe that’s where your kid should be practicing the piano.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

I could tell my beard needed a trim when I started seeing some of the pictures my kids were drawing of me.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Beer is Narcan for when you overdose on Microsoft Teams.

Trending via Threads:

“Gen Z is having less sex.” It’s always sex, sex, sex with these people.

Just shared via Telegram:

Showering at night is so sexy and clean and self-care vibes. Showering in the morning is so productivity core, cog in the machine core.

Just landed via Snapchat:

If you’re partying with your cousin and you’re asked if you’re related, “Our parents are siblings” will cause a lot of confusion.

Going viral on X:

Next time I lose my mind I swear I’m not even going to look for it any more.

Breaking via X:

I put the “pro” in procrastinate.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If a door closes, I’m just going to open it again.

I don’t really do one-night stands, but I will do, like, 3-8 months of a semi-toxic, undefined relationship that wastes my time and ruins my life.

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

Went to the gym two days in a row. This is a fitness account now.

I hurt my bottom after shaking it at the office party. It was a twerk-place injury.

I hate when someone on a magazine cover stares at me while I eat.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”

The cinema vibe is my favorite, you literally forget about the world for like 2-3 hours.

Noam Chomsky sounds like the legal name of the very hungry caterpillar.

The weather forecast should include the percentage of answers blowing in the wind.

For a guy with no reflection, Dracula’s eyeliner is always flawless.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

The bowling ball actually hangs out with the pins after work. There isn’t beef there.

Just blocked all the normal people, so if you see this… sup, weirdo.

A pet resting their little paw on you is a sign of respect in their culture.

Oh, that gap on my resume is from when I was the architect of my own hell.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Quality women really do attract everyone. A bright light always attracts all types of bugs.

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but my doctor says I have an irreversible terminal condition called aging.

I used to eat my feelings but now it’s so expensive, I might as well go to therapy.

If your name is “Guy”, you have lazy parents.

I think the worst part about the collapse of civilization will be all those people with no way to remove their braces.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

You can’t spell dyslexia without sexy.

Making a record-breaking number of bad choices today, I’m really proud of myself.

Netflix & by yourself.

Why can’t they use deep fake technology for good instead of evil? Like taking Zoom meetings for you, stuff like that.

Striking gold in your 40s: finding a close parking spot that’s in the shade on a hot summer day.

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If a door closes, I’m just going to open it again.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I don’t really do one-night stands, but I will do, like, 3-8 months of a semi-toxic, undefined relationship that wastes my time and ruins my life.

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

Went to the gym two days in a row. This is a fitness account now.

I hurt my bottom after shaking it at the office party. It was a twerk-place injury.

People who live alone should get one practice conversation before they have to speak out loud for the first time that day.

I hate when someone on a magazine cover stares at me while I eat.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

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