Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.
  • IKEA assembly instructions should come with a glossary of Swedish swear words.
  • I followed a diet but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it.
  • My boss wants me to train some other employees so it’s pretty obvious he has no idea I am completely incompetent.
  • Hey cell phone companies who play smooth jazz hold music hoping I’ll lose interest and give up: yeah, it’s kinda working.
  • Why do coffee beans smell so good, and coffee breath is like bleh?