Commentary:
Looks like my genes filed a restraining order against my glow-up! 💥🧬😅
20 Funny attempt quotes
Offering friendship as a consolation prize for a failed romantic connection attempt is absolutely cruel.
Commentary:
When life gives you lemons, just make sure they're free-range, non-GMO, ethically sourced friendship lemons. 🍋😂
There’s nothing I hate more than a failed nap attempt.
Commentary:
Napping: the only sport where everyone's goal is to go "unconscious," but sometimes your brain throws the game! 💤😴🤔
“I’m going to try underthinking about a situation, and see if that works.”
Commentary:
Sure, just going to let my brain go on vacation and hope things work out 😂🧠✈️
The other day, I got the crazy idea to see if I could still do a cartwheel. I can’t.
Commentary:
I attempted a cartwheel and invented a new yoga pose: flailing flamingo 🦩🤣
Adding “Free HBO” to your dating profile isn’t the game changer you’d think it’d be.
Commentary:
Who knew “Free HBO” was a turn-off? I guess people really aren’t into commitment-free streaming! 🎬🤷♂️📺
“You’re an athlete,” I whisper to myself, as I begin my third attempt to get out of the couch.
Commentary:
"When getting off the couch feels like an Olympic sport, but your medal is just chips! 🥇🍟 #Couchlete"
I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.
Commentary:
"When your jokes are so remote, they require a Wi-Fi booster! 🤣📶 #NotEvenRemotelyWitty"
Starting an OnlyFans, but it’s just videos of me trying to use chopsticks.
Commentary:
"When your dinner is playing hard to get… 🍣🤣 Chopstick mastery or modern art in progress?" 🥢🎨
Sorry, I laughed at your bad joke. I was trying to flirt.
Commentary:
"Oops, my giggles were smoother than my pickup lines! 😂❤️"