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New funny quotes: 6509 this month

15,818 funny quotes and pics

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Updated: May 23, 2026

 

 

 

 

38 Funny failure quotes

Funny failure quotes 😂 are here to remind us that even our blunders can be a source of laughter and learning! Life’s little hiccups 🤦‍♂️ often lead to the most memorable stories. Whether it’s tripping over your shoelaces 👟 or mixing up dates 📅, these quotes offer a humorous twist on life’s misadventures. Embrace the giggles and share the wisdom—each failure is just a stepping stone to success, with a dash of humor sprinkled on top! 🌟

I’ve already broken all my resolutions and like four commandments.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I come from a family of failed magicians. I have two half sisters.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

“Well, at least things can’t get any worse” has turned out to be a failure of my imagination.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

If at first you don’t succeed, try two more times so your failure is statistically significant.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

If at first you don’t succeed, that’s so embarrassing. Why are you so bad at this?

Posted onMay 20, 2026

If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

You can tell a group isn’t gonna make it big just by their name.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

Falling off academically is worse than a heartbreak.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

If you ever feel like a failure, just remember, Domino’s tried to open pizza chains in Italy.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

Socialism isn’t wrong because it has compassion. It’s wrong because it doesn’t work.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

There’s nothing I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

Posted onMar 31, 2026

If you would just let me help, you’d be in an even worse position than you are now.

Posted onMar 31, 2026

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And they were correct. Honestly, great call from the haters.

Posted onMar 31, 2026

If at first you don’t succeed, the internet will let you know immediately.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

Google AI is awesome because it kills the planet and doesn’t work.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

The only way to forget the mistakes you made in the past is to make even bigger and graver mistakes in the present.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

Let the example of my fluke success guide nearly all of you to crushing disappointment.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

I’m not falling for it again. These missions have been successful 8 times already.

Posted onMar 29, 2026

I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

Posted onMar 29, 2026

I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t turn into a disaster.

Posted onMar 29, 2026

Tried to be a responsible adult today. Won’t be doing that again.

Posted onMar 29, 2026

No one is shocked when a defibrillator doesn’t work.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

Trying is the first step toward failure.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

My front facing camera got me looking like a failed science project.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

My life coach told me I didn’t make the team.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

For someone who is afraid of failure, I’m very unmotivated.

Posted onMar 27, 2026

“You win some. You lose some.” Me, after losing for the millionth time in a row.

Posted onMar 27, 2026

It’s really hard to come back after a poorly executed high five.

Posted onMar 27, 2026

There’s nothing that I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

Posted onMar 27, 2026

Everyone is a genius until they try to use someone else’s microwave.

Posted onMar 26, 2026

Some people are living proof that brain failure does not immediately lead to death.

Posted onMar 26, 2026

I failed as a person; I’m a dinosaur now.

Posted onMar 26, 2026

If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

Posted onMar 26, 2026

If rich people aren’t upset after an election, then we have failed.

Posted onMar 26, 2026

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