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I don’t need a New Year’s resolution, it’s the year’s turn to be better.

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Relationship tip: Make sure you’re the crazy one.

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When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

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If the interviewer doesn’t think it’s cool when you pull a quarter out of his ear, the job wasn’t good enough for you anyways.

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Mixed signals mean they don’t like you like that. It’s that simple.

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As a student, the most comforting words you’ll ever hear are “I haven’t started either.”

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I was in a good mood until I realized not only was it not Friday it wasn’t even Thursday.