If the Beatles were just 4 lads from Liverpool, imagine what 400 lads from Liverpool would sound like. But y’all aren’t ready for that conversation.

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I’m not fragile like a flower. I’m fragile like a bomb.

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My hobbies include adding things to my cart, and never buying them.

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Why is it called the Super Bowl if no one is bowling?

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My five-year plan is to just see what happens.

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My neighbor told me he heard me having sex this morning. I was putting on my shoes.

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One thing that sucks about being grown-up is not being able to say, “My mom said no,” when you don’t want someone to come over.

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Remember when tweets were like: party rocking with a mouse tonight. Piece of cheese gonna have a big bite.