If you are lonely, dim all the lights and put on a horror movie. You won’t feel like you are lonely any more.

61 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’ve started eating healthier and exercising if you’re wondering why I’m in such a crappy mood all of a sudden.

68 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I always work very hard and intensively to ensure that my wife can proudly say: “That idiot over there? Yes, that’s mine!”

11 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s always “your monthly bill is available,” never “this month is on us.”

87 shares on Threads this month:

Why a bug would spend such a long fraction of its short life immobile on my ceiling beats me.

62 shares on Telegram this month:

The quickest way to double your money is to hold it in front of a mirror.

50 shares on Telegram this month:

You should be allowed to speed if good music is playing.

14 shares on Pinterest this month:

What idiot called it Catfishing your Tinder Contacts and not Playing With Matches?

26 shares on Instagram this month:

Don’t talk to me unless you are a ham sandwich.

67 shares on Threads this month:

Gonna start using “with all dude respect”.

27 shares on Facebook this month:

Cats love to wake you up and go back to sleep. It’s part of their culture.