If you ever feel useless, remember that there are bathrooms at pools.

71 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t know much, but I know this: the older you get, the faster the number of things you’re willing to wait in line for approaches zero.

61 shares on Facebook this month:

The leading cause for injury in old men is them thinking they are still young men.

84 shares on Facebook this month:

I’ve been blocked by better.

49 shares on Instagram this month:

Good luck sending me mixed signals. Most the time I can’t even understand the direct ones.

85 shares on Facebook this month:

Why is Subway asking me for a tip? Bro, we made this sandwich together.

70 shares on Slack this month:

I hope I don’t die of something stupid like old age, I want a piano to fall on my head.

29 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I stay up late every night, regret it in the morning, and the next day I do it all over again.

89 shares on Pinterest this month:

My favorite part of my workday is when I grab my shit and leave.

38 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

98 shares on Discord this month:

I hate people that talk to their Apple watch. Fake Power Rangers.