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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

My phone storage is full so I guess it’s time to delete the 27 second video I took of a spiderweb four years ago.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Most meetings end with the conclusion that everything needs to be discussed in another meeting.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Unless I ask, I genuinely don’t care to hear other people’s opinions on my life. It’s almost a pet peeve, really.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Downloading the Titanic soundtrack. It’s syncing right now.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Happiness is an inside job.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

We should just cancel April Fools Day this year. No prank can top reality right now.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

By my second “could we change the subject?” I could feel the job interview going south.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

Some days you feel like a hotel light. You’re there, but you don’t have enough energy to really do anything.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

In your twenties, there may be love. It’s very important to ignore this love and pursue a master’s instead.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

515 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,108

Funny Quotes Topics

17,263

Funny Quotes Images

15,108

Updated

Dec 25, 2025

Users Online

3,797

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

Doing my bit for the evolution of the human race by eating lots of carbs and never exercising. We will adapt!

Seen just now on WeChat:

The only appointment I’m ever on time for is disappointment.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

When a woman texts you three questions, you should only answer one. She will love that.

Live now on Slack:

I know which nation I like best. Hibernation.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Nothing tops a plain pizza.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I usually don’t flirt, so if I flirt with you, please cooperate.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I love icebreakers. They really give me time to anxiously reflect on what the most fun fact about me is, while I don’t listen to anyone else at all.

Going bananas on WeChat:

A DM? Flirt on the timeline like a real man.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I use subtitles so if I learn anything interesting I can say “I was reading about” instead of “I saw on an episode of Love Island”

If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.

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If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.
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Commentary:
"You know you're in trouble when forgetting your wife's birthday feels like playing a dangerous game of memory roulette! 🎲💔 Mark those calendars, gentlemen! #LivingOnTheEdge"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on Discord this month:

Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

14 shares on Snapchat this month:

Nothing like a grandfather clock to remind you every hour that you’re still awake.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sorry for widening my eyes and whispering “The prophecy” when we first met.

25 shares on Threads this month:

I no longer need an alarm clock because I’m over 40 and have a bladder.

63 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Your nose is in the middle of your face because it is the scenter.

88 shares on Telegram this month:

In my 20’s: why is eating healthy such a big deal anyways. In my 40’s: oh.

39 shares on Pinterest this month:

Imagine being hungry and some guy tries to teach you to fish.

46 shares on Telegram this month:

That very depressing moment when you find out the fire alarm that went off at work was just a test.

63 shares on Telegram this month:

A peaceful transition of power happening between me and this cigarette just now.

88 shares on Instagram this month:

I need you to think about me 23/7. You get 1 hour a day for yourself.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My handwriting got like five different fonts, depends on my mood and the pen I’m using.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Jehovah’s Witnesses tell the worst knock knock jokes.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

“Listen to your body!” Okay, well, my body wants to lay down and eat snacks all day.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I used to be so graceful, now I am like a puppy with a box stuck on her head.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Before we become friends, could you please sign this NDA.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Іf you’re sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day, just remember that nobody loves you on any other day of the year either.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate to slut-shame, but a lot of you are not slutty enough.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying works.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine being all knowing and still putting a snake in charge of apples.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

We are all just prisoners here of our phone device.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

515 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,108

Funny Quotes Topics

17,263

Funny Quotes Images

15,108

Updated

Dec 25, 2025

Users Online

3,650

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for cauliflower cookies and reported them for harmful content.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Apparently, telling your friends not to stress about their wedding because “it’s your first marriage” is not the right thing to say.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

“Hey you!” is short for “I have no idea what your name is.”

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Who needs an alarm clock when you have a bladder.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

The first five days after the weekend are the worst.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

I really thought impromptu dance-offs were going to be more common.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m the guy at Apple who makes sure all your featured photos are your exes and your dog that died.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

I’ve tasted being the bigger person, I’ve also tasted matching energy. I recommend no contact.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

It’s always “you’re so cute when you’re mad,” until the house is on fire.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

That’s not my girl bestie, that’s my platonic wife.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Every time I get the urge to clean, I watch Hoarders and I decide my house isn’t that dirty after all.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Petition to allow customer service employees to fight at least one customer per day.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

People believe that they have brains but maybe that’s just inside their heads.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Ironically people who are good at giving advice find it difficult to follow their own.

Making waves on Telegram:

Trust my gut? The thing that can’t even handle milk.

Trending via X:

Whoever came up with “penny for your thoughts,” “don’t nickel and dime me,” and “another day another dollar” sure knew how to coin a phrase.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Threw my back out due to overwhelming sensuality again.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I’m doing pretty good for someone who rarely has a clue.

Just shared via Facebook:

I made a smoothie that needs a spoon.

Shared recently on Messenger:

If painting yourself into a corner was considered art, I’d be Michelangelo.

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