I’m already cold. I know me and my low iron ain’t gonna survive winter.

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Is it just me, or were we promised a totally different frog-to-prince ratio?

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I’m at my most math when I solve a problem while creating three new ones.

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Two mysterious people live in my house. “Somebody” and “Nobody.” Somebody did it and nobody knows who.

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I didn’t believe in karma until I was scheduled to work at 6am on a holiday.

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“Santa isn’t real!” Okay, I literally just saw him at the mall.

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I’m not saving daylight. I’m the one that needs saving.

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Ponytails are only hot on women, bro.

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If we’re walking together, just know I’ll definitely bump into you because I can’t walk in a straight line.

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Dear men, my ‘biological clock’ isn’t my weakness. It’s your final deadline to prove you’re worthy.

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Millionaires and multi-billion dollar companies be like, “We’re doing our part by asking the poor to donate to the poor.”