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New funny quotes: 6 this month

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Updated: Jun 2, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

67 Funny survival quotes

Funny survival quotes are like the unexpected giggles in the wilderness of life 🌿😂. They remind us that even when navigating life’s toughest terrains, a little humor goes a long way! Whether you’re braving the great outdoors or just surviving a Monday, these witty gems are your perfect backpack companion 🏕️. So, gear up for a lighthearted adventure filled with laughs and a sprinkle of wisdom—because who says survival can’t be fun? 🎒🎉

If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

Wild that we could have been foraging for berries and dying off at 33, but we chose this nonsense instead.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

Having a sunburn is so humiliating. Now everyone knows I was unprepared for the realities of the wilderness. It marks me as the weakest link. The hungry animals are closing in.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

Humanity doesn’t always make a compelling case for its continued existence.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

You don’t read Dostoevsky. You survive him.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Feel like if a bunch of gays were stranded on a desert island, they’d all drop that voice thing in, like, a day.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Being smart is a curse. You see the game, the lies, the patterns, but you still gotta play dumb to survive.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Long story short, I survived.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

With my staggering 91% survival rate, you’d be a fool to hire another dog sitter.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

And to think I survived a global pandemic for this.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Just paid my rent, now I have a warm place to starve in.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Music just makes living on this earth a little bit more bearable.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

We’re in the middle of a snowstorm with no cake in the house. I never expected to perish like this.

Posted onMay 29, 2026May 29, 2026

Can you imagine if AI ever evolves into trying to kill us, and the thing that saves us is one of Cloudflare’s outages?

Posted onMay 29, 2026

If your family starts fighting on Thanksgiving, go live.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Women pretending not to see men staring at them is an essential survival skill.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

Do you ever think back about all the crazy stuff you did when you were younger, and wonder how you’re still alive?

Posted onMay 28, 2026

I’m old enough to remember when the hole in the ozone layer killed us all off.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

Do people still actually eat 3 meals a day, or do we all just survive off of stress and iced coffee?

Posted onMay 28, 2026

I’m surviving motherhood, one teenage meltdown at a time.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

This heat made me realize I won’t survive in hell, I gotta change.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

The only ‘survival horror’ game I play is called ‘getting up every day and leaving the house.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

I survived a Monday, and for what? Tuesday? Disgusting.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

Currently accepting DMs from any man with a sturdy bunker on his property.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

Before we all die from nuclear war or a global climate crisis, can we get a little alien invasion as a treat.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

I’m already cold. I know me and my low iron ain’t gonna survive winter.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

“Lmao” has survived and even thrived over the years, but its cousin “rofl” has faded into indignity. The cruelty of fate.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

My mouth moves faster than my survival instincts.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Finding a person to make eye contact with during stupid meetings is essential to survival in the workplace.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

I’m kind of excited about the apocalypse. I would love to eat a basement full of food.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Zombies only eat brains, so you are safe.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

The subtle art of surviving this life with grace and dignity.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

In the 90s, you could tell who won the rap battle by who was still alive.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Two people had sex and now I’m fighting for my life everyday.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

We should all start texting each other like old time explorers. ‘Dearest friend, I have survived another week. The horrors persist.’

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Being gracefully insane is the only way to survive life’s daily bullshit.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

What doesn’t kill you will text you in 5 months to ask “What are you doing?”

Posted onMay 24, 2026

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