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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Look, a three-day weekend is all I ask. The rest can be four-day weekends.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

There’s a special place in hell for people like you (next to me).

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

You should be able to google what someone said to you at the bar last night.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

I was going to buy my wife a car for Christmas but then I remembered I don’t live in a commercial.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Scrolling… good take… bad take… nothing take… cyberbullying… beautiful woman.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Leaving out milk and cookies for Santa is literally making an offering to a deity.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

“You look happy.” Thanks, I stopped dating.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Kinda sucks that I actually own a skeleton but don’t get to show anyone until I die.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

I might look calm, but in my head I’ve punched you in the face three times.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

My body’s check engine light has been on for years.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,377

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

The problem with parental controls is I need my kid to help me figure out how to set them up.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I’m like… I went shopping.

Shared recently on Slack:

Doomscrolling: because who doesn’t love anxiety as a hobby?

Broadcasted on Threads:

I’m not going to die because of an accident. Nor because of an illness. But from small talk. Someone will say one boring sentence too many and I’ll drop dead.

Going bananas on Messenger:

My teen is asking for noise-cancelling headphones like I’m going to give him the gift of ignoring me better.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The actors you see in movies are probably home by now.

Just shared via Instagram:

There’s something meditative about cleaning. It’s the perfect time to reflect and plan revenge on every single person who has ever wronged you.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

The secret to being able to buy whatever you want is not wanting much.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.

Just landed via Messenger:

Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

I’m an adult, but not the ‘makes positive life choices’ kind.

Playful quote about embracing adult life without always making the best choices.
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Commentary:
"Turning adulting into a spectator sport like 🍿… Just here for the entertainment, not the responsibility 😅🤷‍♂️ #AdultingAtAMinimum"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on YouTube this month:

I’ve just filed a restraining order against reality.

44 shares on TikTok this month:

Dads will insist the Masters is exciting while also napping through it.

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

We should all go into advertising and fix what’s going on with commercials. They need our help.

10 shares on Discord this month:

Living up to your potential sounds exhausting.

43 shares on Twitch this month:

Don’t give up, we must remain silly.

13 shares on Messenger this month:

Me and my boys are broke, so we take turns taking pictures of one iced matcha.

22 shares on Facebook this month:

When you’re young, weekends are for fun. When you’re older, they’re for recovery.

86 shares on X this month:

Imagine you blocked me, and I crawled out from under your couch to ask why.

84 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My toxic trait is thinking every inconvenience is the universe personally attacking me.

14 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m sorry I didn’t text you back. I’m really busy watching the The Lord of The Rings in the form of mini clips on TikTok.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to leave work early.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe God will gift me a boyfriend for my birthday this year.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

One day there will be condoms with Bluetooth that tell you whether you’re good in bed, how many calories you’ve burned and when the next train leaves.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

In university, you can literally tell who had no freedom at home.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

At the doctor’s office, booing all the names being called that aren’t mine.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I like to establish dominance by yawning the minute someone tries to make small talk with me.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I have a lot to offer! Most of it’s bad, but it’s still a lot.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people change their faces like traffic lights change their lights.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I can usually cope with the opinions of others because I don’t listen.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I haven’t cleaned my shower in so long, it’s becoming a terrarium. Absolutely gorgeous.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,639

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Robert De Niro always looks like he just smelled a nasty fart.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

More often than not, I read applause as applesauce.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

I secretly want you to say no when I offer you some of my cake.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

We seriously need to bring back courting. What the hell is ‘wyd tonight?’ Arrive on a horse and bring flowers like a man.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Such is modern life. Mordor in our midst.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

“I’m not jealous of nobody but stay-at-home wives who are married to wealthy men.”

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

It seems that after checking my bank account, I need to turn to a life of crime.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

My house was clean yesterday. Sorry, you missed it.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Holding it together with duct tape and sarcasm.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

If biscuits were slimming and contained every nutrient the human body needs, I’d be in terrific shape.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Don’t go chasing waterfalls? The place where many video games hide easter eggs and other rare items?

Just shared via Snapchat:

When they have a dream sequence in a movie, how do they film the person’s dream?

Just shared via TikTok:

Ants can be found on every continent except Antarctica, which is weird considering their name.

Going viral on Twitch:

If I unsubscribe from your email list, I definitely do not need you to send a follow-up email to confirm.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Don’t know how to explain this, but “hot honey” is the pickleball of condiments (derogatory).

Seen just now on Twitch:

Sleeping in in winter is really great, you still have about an hour of daylight left before it gets dark again.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

No, I won’t be attending your seance, I barely want to talk to the living.

Live now on Instagram:

Excuse me, can you direct me to the nonsense?

Shared recently on Instagram:

I like to stay grounded by keeping the weight of the world on my shoulders.

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