I’m just a girl, standing in front of a Monday, asking it to be a Friday.

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Don’t blame the holidays, you were already overweight in August.

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I think, therefore I am. I am, therefore I think. Therefore I am. I think.

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When I was a kid there were two sure ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

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Turns out “V for Vendetta” is not an educational movie and it won’t teach your kids the alphabet.

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Website: We use cookies to improve our performance. Me: Same!

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Every morning I announce that Im going for a jog, but then I don’t go. It’s a running gag.

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Don’t wait for later to eat the cake. Do it now, before another mammal of your household finds it.

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Porn actresses envy the look on my face when I clean my ear with a cotton bud.

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Not really into dating right now, but very into flirting, and that’s where things get complicated.

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I’ve been on Facebook for so long, I remember when it all used to be farmland.