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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

I’m writing a parenting book called ‘Kids won’t listen until you scream like your mother did’.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

If idiots could fly, TikTok would be an airport.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Five out of six people find Russian Roulette to be a safe activity.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

I woke up, got out of bed, and had coffee. I think that’s enough for one day.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

I think my phone is broken. I pressed the home button, but I’m still at work.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

The science between bragging about a man and him disappointing you immediately after needs to be studied.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

I really miss kissing. I hope next year favors my lips.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

My dream is being pitted against the world’s greatest AI in a writing contest and crafting a story that’s so beautiful that I make the computer cry.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

The one thing to know about me is I always get the last laugh. And oh yes, it’s maniacal.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Every time I get the urge to clean, I watch Hoarders and I decide my house isn’t that dirty after all.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Jan 6, 2026

3,351

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I need something good to watch while I’m on my phone.

Just shared via X:

I named my dog “5 Miles,” so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

Just landed via Twitch:

Adult friendships are difficult. The people I get on best with never want to leave the house either.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Getting the ick because he put the windshield wipers on at a higher rate than was needed.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Who else here can say that they have NEVER watched any of the Kardashian shows?

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

It’s all fun and games until it’s 10 p.m., you’re all cozy in bed, and you remember you still have laundry in the washer.

Live now on Facebook:

Have to connect the printer to my new laptop, and my goal is to cry no more than three times.

Making waves on Pinterest:

“You’re a cardiologist? Is that like a fancy name for an auto mechanic?”

Trending via Slack:

The good news is cannon deaths have gone down dramatically in the last hundred years.

Is there an app yet that converts voice messages into text messages?

2 months ago

0

Is there an app yet that converts voice messages into text messages?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, if such an app doesn't exist yet, we might need to invent a way to translate "voicemail-ese" into "text-lish"! 📱🗨️💬 Who knows, maybe one day our phones will decode even the most complex voice messages, turning them into text with the accuracy of a bilingual parrot! 🦜🔠🤣

app, communication, humor, message, technology, text, text message, voice, voice message

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t turn into a disaster.

0

2 months ago

disaster, failure, humor, i, irony, met, never, problem, turn
I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, disgusting, even, fly, hands, hate, humor, i, insect, little, open, plotting, rub, together, window
I want to be a house cat and simply slap the shit out of anything in front of me that I do not understand.

0

2 months ago

animal, animal behavior, anything, behavior, carefree, cat, confusion, front, frustration, house, house cat, humor, i, me, shit, simplicity, slap, understand, want
Thanks for your email! Unfortunately, I have filled my pockets with stones and am making my way to the sea.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, am, email, escape, filled, funny response, humor, i, making, message, pockets, procrastination, response, sea, stones, thanks, unfortunately
When I say “the other day”, it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.

0

2 months ago

anytime, birth, comedy, day, everyday, everyday humor, exaggeration, humor, humorous, humorous quote, i, joke, perception, relativity, sarcastic, say, time, yesterday
Spider-Man, but set in rural England so he just has to walk everywhere.

0

2 months ago

countryside, england, everywhere, humor, just, rural, rural England, setting, Spider-Man, superhero, transportation, walk

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on Reddit this month:

If a government has online beef with a pop star, it has already lost.

25 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sorry I lied when I said “I can’t complain.”

77 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t hide from my problems, I just ignore them until they lose interest.

70 shares on Slack this month:

I’ve been commissioned to kiss you on the lips. I need to get this done by tonight.

38 shares on Instagram this month:

Women love deciding to never talk to you again, and actually do it.

18 shares on WeChat this month:

Forced to say “it’s okay” instead of throwing a chair at them.

68 shares on Pinterest this month:

How does spaghetti know that I’m wearing light-colored clothes?

34 shares on Pinterest this month:

Do goalies ever get lonely during a game?

42 shares on Pinterest this month:

Getting old would be so fun if you didn’t wake up each morning with neck pain that suggests you slept hanging upside down like a bat.

75 shares on YouTube this month:

Got my mind on my money and my money is nowhere to be found.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

If you wanna make someone cry, just show them the earliest year they can retire.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t hate you. I just don’t like that you exist.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Yes, we absolutely can push our meeting to sometime after the new year, or mid-March, or the year after next, or never.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

A relationship is like a shark, it looks better on TV.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Am simultaneously the family’s black sheep and gold star, and that’s exactly why I’m the way I am.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone’s a gangster until it’s time to pronounce Worcestershire Sauce.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Every morning when that damn alarm clock goes off, I just feel it so much: A million-dollar inheritance suits me much better than an office job.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

My teen believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left, and oh, how I laughed and laughed.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Friends with benefits, but it’s just that they make delicious baked goods.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The best plans on a Friday night are no plans.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,328

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

When it rains in New York, the train starts smelling like hamster.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Ghosting is actually a sign of great respect in my culture.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Cause of death: Trying to draw eyebrows on the neighbor’s cat.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Instead of being constantly irritated by other people’s flaws, I’ve decided to become more self-absorbed.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

I have never in my life learned from another person’s mistakes, I would literally let a giant wooden horse into my house right this second.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

My whole life just flashed before my eyes and there was way too much pizza.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Getting a girlfriend is actually very easy, you just have to spin a basketball on your finger.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

Being gracefully insane is the secret to a happy life.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Surely, this is the hangover that will teach me my lesson.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

When life gives you lemons maybe think to yourself, “that’s really quite remarkable given how far I live from a climate capable of growing citrus.”

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

But are we sure that stomachs are meant to be flat?

Broadcasted on TikTok:

(at an incredibly low point in my life) I should start dating again.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I hate when I accidentally blow all of my leaves into my neighbor’s yard.

Trending via Twitch:

The fastest mammal on earth is the smartass on the web.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

The most valuable breed of cow are the Cash.

Live now on Messenger:

My card got declined at the barbershop so they put all the hair in my mouth and squeezed me until it came out of my head.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Once I see a vein on your forehead while we arguing, I’ll let you be.

Just landed via Telegram:

You used to calm me on my cell phone!

Live now on Instagram:

Traded my Fitbit in for a Sitbit.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Not now, kitten. Mommy’s destroying and betraying herself for nothing.

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