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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

“I’m not concerned about Netflix buying Warner Brothers. None of this will matter once we evolve gills and start living underwater.”

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Reading Shakespeare for the first time is crazy because you go, “Oh, that’s where that comes from,” every other page.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

We often come across people in life who make us think: “Oh look, evolution takes a break too!”

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Every homemade dinner counts as negative calories because of the exercise we get waving pillows at the smoke detectors.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Dudes be named Will but won’t.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Insomniacs who are not afraid of the dark have nighty-night problems but the pitch ain’t one.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Your birthday as an adult mainly consists of texting back ‘Thanks!’ to people you haven’t talked to in 5 years.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Hosting Thanksgiving? Bring up politics so everyone will leave early.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

You don’t have to remember details when you don’t lie.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

In case no one told you today. I’m beautiful.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,327

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WhatsApp:

I am dressing for the job I want. I want to be a sweatpants model.

Trending via Reddit:

Your secret is safe with me and my sister.

Breaking via TikTok:

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

Just shared via Discord:

Watching my wife absolutely hate my daughter’s boyfriend while being nice and hospitable to him has made me question every interaction I’ve had with another human being in my life.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Once you are able to find humor in any situation, you’ve either reached enlightenment or you’re just a little unhinged.

Going bananas on X:

At my age I don’t sleep, I nap between pee breaks.

Making waves on TikTok:

When you’re dead, you don’t know that you’re dead. But it’s hard for those around you. It’s the same when you’re stupid.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

My reality check bounced, guess I’ll have to stay insane for the time being.

Going viral on Threads:

I’m instantly 70% nicer after 3 p.m. on Fridays.

Spotted on Discord:

Children really brighten up a home. They never turn the lights off, …

It’s important to set an alarm the first day of school, so you remember to pick up the kids.

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It’s important to set an alarm the first day of school, so you remember to pick up the kids.
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Commentary:
"Don't want to start the school year with a 'Where are the kids?' panic mode 😱 Setting an alarm is the responsible parent's version of adulting! ⏰👩‍👧‍👦 #ParentingProblems #BackToSchoolBlues"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

Great minds think alike. Unfortunately, so do stupid ones.

58 shares on Facebook this month:

My favorite part about health insurance is how your teeth and eyeballs are add-ons.

28 shares on TikTok this month:

I love when I come home, I put on my Adam Sandler clothes.

17 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m not your dream woman. I am the sudden shouting of ravens that you hear when you enter a part of the forest you shouldn’t have.

95 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I made the mistake of clicking on an Instagram ad for a flannel shirt, and now the algorithm thinks I’m a lumberjack.

99 shares on Messenger this month:

One day I will start learning from my mistakes. Today is not that day. Tomorrow isn’t looking so good either.

49 shares on Telegram this month:

Foo fighters still fighting foo.

74 shares on X this month:

Hello 911? Yes, my wife is forcing me to walk over to meet the neighbors.

20 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s jarring for me when there are British people in the Midwest. How did you get this far inland?

65 shares on Snapchat this month:

Nothing flies faster than the ketchup out of the bottle when you only want a little.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Start every meeting with, “Let’s just agree to disagree.”

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I honestly have no idea what a vitamin is. It’s in a banana but it’s also the sun? Sure.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

When you thought something would be easy peasy lemon squeezy, but it’s actually been stressy, depressy, lemon zesty.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I delay my haircut intentionally to look rugged just to make that glow-up more iconic.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so lazy, I let my battles pick me.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Going out to eat and shopping by yourself is actually one of the most peaceful and therapeutic things ever.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The main function of the little toe on your foot is to make sure that all the objects and furniture in the house are in the correct place.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If you want to hang out with me, all you have to do is ask, and I’ll say no.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I get shy when my man stares at me for too long because what if he’s realizing I’m actually a lil ugly.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

We work all week to work some more around the house all weekend long. Isn’t life grand?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,534

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Managed to empty the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something there takes on a life of its own.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

I miss whatever age I was when I thought five dollars was a lot of money.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Love when a doctor emails me about my “outstanding bill”. If it’s so good, why don’t you pay it?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

“I’m gonna sneak past you.” No you’re not. You’ve alerted me.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Why do coffee beans smell so good, and coffee breath is like bleh?

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

My teenager has really expensive taste for someone who can’t afford to buy their own toothpaste.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Babies are undefeated at debate. Their gibberish is too passionate.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

I love it when God gives me money.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

wearing no bra and oversized clothes is self-care at its finest

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

Celebrities should not be allowed to name children.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

That awkward moment between birth and death.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping they’re braver than me.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.

Just shared via Facebook:

Right before rock bottom, you’ll have a city builder game on your phone.

Just landed via Pinterest:

They should make a separate airport for people who know how to act like they’ve been out in public before.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I don’t always push on pull doors but when I do, I do it two or three times to confirm how dumb I really am.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Lovingly looking at my dog knowing I’m about to ruin her day with a bath.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Always be kind. You never know who might own a jacuzzi.

Spotted on Facebook:

You can’t change your past but you can change your pasta.

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