Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Imagine surviving Covid 19 and then China releases Covid 19S Plus Pro.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

If my coworker doesn’t stop asking questions on this Zoom meeting, I will drive across town and slap his face on the call.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

I like my men like I like my coffee, secretly alcoholic.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

He called me delusional, but I think he meant delicious.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

You’re mistaking me with someone who’s stupid.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

We don’t make people walk the plank like we used to.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

My boss told me “It’s not rocket science.” Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Sometimes all you need is a Saturday to sleep, eat, and do absolutely nothing else all day.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Men used to go to war, now they want to be the little spoon.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,675

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

Every time I see a couple riding a tandem bike, I try to figure out which one of them is pissed about it.

Just shared via X:

Old Spice doesn’t sound like something you wanna smell.

Live now on WeChat:

Water is a drink whose flavor is its temperature.

Making waves on Twitch:

I love traveling because I love to check if I have my passport every 3-4 minutes.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I’m planning to eat the rich, but can I sub out fries for a salad?

Just shared via Slack:

I came, I saw, I took a selfie as proof that I came and saw.

Going viral on Slack:

Seeing an animal sigh is so funny to me. Like, what happened, buddy?

Just landed via TikTok:

I love men with a provider fetish.

Going viral on Facebook:

If you’re reading a book in public, you better be on at least page 140 or something.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Roses are red. Blue got me thinking. I reckon it’s time for some excessive day drinking…

Jobs are so clingy. Why do you need to see me 40 hours a week?

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Work really needs to respect my personal space; we're not even exclusive! 😂📅✋

40, clingy, hours, humor, job, jobs, me, need, week, why, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Touch my butt, not my coffee.

0

2 months ago

boundary, butt, cheek, coffee, humor, personal, personal space, playful, space, touch
They should invent a weekend that goes by slowly.

0

2 months ago

fun, humor, invent, leisure, relaxation, should, slow, time, weekend, wish
Just said “shitted feet” instead of “fitted sheet” in front of my my son and his friends. If you need me, I’ll be in the closet.

0

2 months ago

closet, feet, fitted, fitted sheet, friends, humor, just, me, mistake, need, parenting, sheet, shitted, shitted feet, son
It’s truly insane when bosses assume their employees are working for any reason other than a paycheck.

0

2 months ago

assume, assumption, boss, employee, employees, humor, insane, job, motivation, office, paycheck, reason, truly, work, working
I be skipping everyone’s stories but watch mine like 20 times.

0

2 months ago

attention, humor, i, irony, media, self-obsession, skipping, social, social media, story, times, watch
If you feel depressed, go for a run. You will soon find out your physical health is far worse than your mental health.

0

2 months ago

depressed, exercise, feel, health, humor, irony, mental, mental health, physical, physical health, run, self-awareness, soon, worse

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on Threads this month:

How many filters does it take before it’s technically a painting?

50 shares on Twitch this month:

There’s nothing worse than accidentally becoming an important person at your job.

23 shares on X this month:

It’s not magic, but I bet you are reading this post with one leg on top of the other.

80 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The older I get, the more I walk like Charlie Chaplin.

60 shares on Messenger this month:

I hope this email finds you in the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty.

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

No longer chasing dreams. If they want me, they know where I nap.

77 shares on Discord this month:

I love when kids tell me what they want to be when they grow up, because I’m still looking for ideas.

11 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I hate math, but I love counting money.

59 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My car is making strange noises but it’s just me singing.

27 shares on Discord this month:

Nothing is worse than seeing a gorgeous girl that I’d never approach or stand a chance with and then finding out she has a boyfriend.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Who wants to do all my adult stuff for me today?

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

You look like the kind of person whose recorded calls have been used for training purposes.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

If you think one of my posts is about you, it isn’t. Except this one.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

We are all monsters searching for someone to share our lives with.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Being social sucks all my energy.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

Just because the deodorant says 48 hrs, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

That sound when you close the cupboard and hear something fall inside, that’s the sound of somebody else’s problem.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

I used to be a person who couldn’t easily fall asleep, then I got divorced and now I sleep like a baby. Probably unrelated.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Today, I’m wearing pink to raise awareness for people like me who forget to separate their red laundry from their whites.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Instagram:

Aliens: We are here to take over. Me: Thank God.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I fondly remember my days as a younger man when I didn’t care what the weather was going to do.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Marriage is like a phone call at the night: First there’s the ring, and then you wake up.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Babe, you’re not acting according to my delusions right now.

Just landed via Facebook:

Gonorrhea would’ve been a great name for diarrhea medicine.

Seen just now on X:

Diet Coke so crisp I moaned.

Breaking via Discord:

Just so you know, it’s almost impossible to drink coffee while laying down.

Going viral on Threads:

Waiting for the websites to start offering pizza instead of just cookies.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

How do I become a billionaire by 9 a.m. Monday? Please, it’s urgent.

Seen just now on Twitch:

How do I get recruited by a cult? I need some direction in my life.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Jobs are so clingy. Why do you need to see me 40 hours a week?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Touch my butt, not my coffee.

They should invent a weekend that goes by slowly.

Just said “shitted feet” instead of “fitted sheet” in front of my my son and his friends. If you need me, I’ll be in the closet.

It’s truly insane when bosses assume their employees are working for any reason other than a paycheck.

I be skipping everyone’s stories but watch mine like 20 times.

If you feel depressed, go for a run. You will soon find out your physical health is far worse than your mental health.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨