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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

You ever spend the day with a skinny person and are like “ohhhh, that’s why you’re skinny”.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

Sure, I could keep my thoughts to myself but I can’t see “Likes” in my journal.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

You’re so vain. You probably think me being in this tree outside your house is about you.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

It used be called “talking to yourself” but the new term for it is “podcasting”.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Shout out to the dude who flipped me off in traffic. Making me feel all nostalgic for California, thank you.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Can you imagine being a 7th grade girl and being able to see your crush’s bedroom during Zoom math class.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Due to not wanting to, I will not be.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

ALF is what happens when you are high on drugs in the 80s.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

I was actually about to do a workout when the couch threw itself protectively under me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

Men don’t chew on toothpicks all day anymore.

Going bananas on Discord:

I now also have a device that tells me whether I’ve taken enough steps today. If I don’t make it one day, it barks and poops in my apartment.

Just shared via Reddit:

Twitter is the black sheep of the web, always in the corner, loudly arguing with itself.

Just shared via WeChat:

I’ve got to start taking better care of myself. Tomorrow I’ll walk to the liquor store.

Just landed via Facebook:

Why do Marvel movies need 3 hours to accomplish what The Powerpuff Girls did in 11 minutes?

Going viral on TikTok:

My kids had to work extra hard this morning but they were able to get the clean house back to it’s normal messy state just in time for the guests to arrive.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Being flirted with while you’re on the clock feels like a hostage situation.

Spotted on Facebook:

I was not meant for Microsoft Teams.

Spotted on Messenger:

I had a sex dream last night that felt so real, I’m just gonna go ahead and add it to my body count.

Live now on YouTube:

“I should’ve peed before I left,” will be my epitaph.

Me drinking green tea: this is going to fix everything.

2 weeks ago

Playful quote about green tea fixing everything with a humorous vibe.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🍵 "Me drinking green tea: this is going to fix everything."

Ah, the power of green tea – the elixir of life, the answer to all our problems, the ultimate solution to world peace! Who needs superheroes when you have a cup of green tea, right? Sip away, my friend, and let the magic unfold! ✨🍵 #TeaFixesEverything

drinking, everything, fix, going, green, green tea, humor, me, optimism, tea

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on Instagram this month:

Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

15 shares on Slack this month:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I’ll be notified immediately.

63 shares on Messenger this month:

TV lead me to believe grave digging would be a lot easier.

87 shares on X this month:

Like me, the weather is getting cooler around here.

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

In the baking aisle, booing everyone buying imitation vanilla extract.

61 shares on Instagram this month:

“Your password is too weak.” OK, well, I created him in my image.

44 shares on Pinterest this month:

My family passed down mood swings and anxiety instead of money or houses.

38 shares on Slack this month:

Is there a bravery award I can nominate my son for as he managed to eat his toast despite the fact I cut it wrong.

67 shares on Facebook this month:

Everyone thinks they’re brave right up until a goose starts chasing them.

10 shares on Snapchat this month:

Fitbits are just Tamagotchis, except the stupid animal you’re trying to keep alive is you.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Yesterday I really wanted tacos and now I’m eating tacos. Follow your dreams!

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t see guys traveling around on those seesaw-type push carts on railroad tracks anymore.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry for being weird. It’s just that everything I talk about reminds me of every other thing I wanna talk about, so I try to talk about everything at the same time and explode.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If anyone has any experience with anything or knows anything about something, please let me know.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Your life can’t fall apart if you never had it together.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I tell it like it is: Sometimes I watch the calls on my cell phone and just wait for it to stop ringing.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

If Dracula had a cat, she’d be the one sleeping in the coffin.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally go to touch them, and they will let you.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Spending money is too easy. For my bank account’s sake, I need a bridge troll to ask me three riddles before I’m allowed to buy something.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,331

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

A good substitute for love and and personal fulfillment is a big bowl of fries.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

No, I can’t tonight. I already have plans to look at my phone somewhere else.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Wonder if I should do something with my life, or kind of just continue to hang out.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Why is the debate at night time? Let’s get this thing started at 4pm. I don’t need to get riled up so close to bedtime.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Donuts are beautiful creatures, and they deserve their own week on the nature channels.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Someone told me I’ve gained weight. I told them it was for a part in a movie. I’ve never acted in my life. Until that moment.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

“You don’t load the dishwasher right,” I said to my wife just before it permanently became my job.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

I only go for nature walks with people I can outrun.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

I love to watch the enthusiasm of new coworkers, and then their inevitable slow descent into not giving a damn.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Pinterest:

A fun thing to do on a first date is wear a wedding dress.

Trending via Twitch:

The only thing limiting what you can put in a sandwich is your imagination and the laws of physics.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I don’t want flying cars, I want the ability to start again from my last save point.

Seen just now on X:

Germany is now advising people to stock up on cheese and sausages. This is called the Wurst Käse scenario.

Just shared via Telegram:

When God created the giraffe, he probably slipped with the mouse on the screen. This is how its neck was created.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

The best part about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that bed of yours – left, right, middle.

Spotted on Discord:

“You’re always sleeping!” God forbid a girl wants to be unconscious.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Please hesitate to reach out.

Making waves on Telegram:

Coding: Where incessantly talking to yourself seems completely normal and debugging is like being a detective in a movie where you are both the detective and the perpetrator.

Trending via Slack:

To be gentle in this world is an act of rebellion.

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