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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Surround yourself with people who google the menu of the restaurant beforehand.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Girl cats get named after ancient goddesses and boy cats get named after Taco Bell menu items.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

The best part of having a failing memory is that you can wrap up presents for yourself, and when it comes time to open them, you are honestly surprised.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

A beautiful woman should never have to send an email. Yet, such tragedies occur every day.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Sat at a stop sign waiting for it to turn green, if you’re wondering how I’m doing today.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

The only thing you can count on with some people is that you can’t count on them.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Twitter is Iike the smoking area for social media.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Everytime I spend $20 I think this is fine because I won’t do it again. And then would you believe.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Doing dishes is like fighting a hydra — wash one, and two more appear.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

Got a botched circumcision, now my willy wonka.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,607

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

They should invent going outside without people looking at you.

Live now on Reddit:

I have this rare skin disease called perfect.

Going viral on Discord:

When someone yells stop I don’t know whether it’s in the name of love, it’s Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I can’t wait until my kids have a place of their own so I can come barging through their door and say “what’s for dinner? I don’t like that. Can you give me money for McDonald’s?”

Going viral on Reddit:

I’m seriously considering adoption. Who wants me?

Shared recently on Pinterest:

If rich people aren’t upset after an election, then we have failed.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Why’s it always “NYC smells like pee” and never “my pee smells like the greatest city in the world”?

Making waves on Instagram:

I always bring luggage when visiting my mom because I know she’ll send me on a guilt trip.

Making waves on Telegram:

Public urination isn’t a crime if you do it in your pants.

Spotted on Messenger:

Imagine buying a new car, and some superhero throws it at an alien.

Money talks, and also waves goodbye.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When money waves goodbye, it's like my wallet performing a magic disappearing act! 🎩💸😂"

finance, goodbye, humor, joke, money, saying, talk

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I bought a “How to Be Spontaneous” course… it starts in six months.

0

2 months ago

course, delay, humor, i, joke, months, procrastination, six, spontaneity
I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.

0

2 months ago

closet, fashion, humor, i, joke, money, spending, visibility, wealth
Roman soldiers are all like “I’m going to fight you in this short yet tasteful leather skirt.”

0

2 months ago

ancient, ancient Rome, comedy, costume, fashion, fight, going, historical, historical comedy, humor, leather, leather skirt, roman, Roman soldier, Rome, short, skirt, soldier
I hope some dyslexic people don’t mail Satan instead of Santa.

0

2 months ago

Christmas, dyslexia, hope, humor, i, irony, mail, people, Santa, Satan
In hell, you wait for a ‘verify your email address’ email that never arrives.

0

2 months ago

address, arrif, email, frustration, hell, joke, never, technology, verify, wait
If you’re a dude and you’re having a bad day, just remember, no one cares.

0

5 months ago

bad, bad day, day, dude, having, humor, indifference, just, remember

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on Telegram this month:

No, I’m not depressed. I’m sure there’s just something wrong with the planets or stars or something.

78 shares on X this month:

Maybe I died of Covid in 2020, and this is hell.

33 shares on WeChat this month:

To horses, hay is considered both a bed and breakfast.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

Car naps hit different, especially when you are the one driving.

25 shares on Telegram this month:

I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

39 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sometimes my mouth hits send before my brain has a chance to stop it.

78 shares on WeChat this month:

Diet tip: Your pants can’t get too tight if you never wear any.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

I was waiting on the universe but the universe was actually waiting on me.

33 shares on WeChat this month:

On the whole, people are getting smarter. I remember when they had to put “The End” on the screen, so people would know the movie was over.

19 shares on Reddit this month:

I just paid my taxes. The roads should be fixed any day now.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally text them, and they will respond.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

A plus of getting older is not having to make as much small talk because half the conversation is spent asking the other person to repeat what they just said.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Carrying a conversation counts as cardio.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Being sober would be a lot easier if I liked myself.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

I’m at the age where I understand that paying a little extra for convenience and comfort is absolutely okay.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

It’s okay, wobbly chair, I’m unstable too.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Children will see a neatly hanging dish towel and be like oh hell no.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

It’s a good thing Titanic is only a movie. A lot of people would’ve died.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

I wear sunglasses when I’m driving so nobody knows I’m asleep.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I just need to get over everything that has happened to me in my entire life and then we can hang out.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

Trending via TikTok:

What if all the ancient Greek sculptures are actually victims of Medusa?

Going viral on Reddit:

If I ever experience an earthquake, my first thought will probably be it’s Godzilla.

Making waves on Messenger:

If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize, I honestly did not think you could read.

Seen just now on Messenger:

The Secret Service was chasing me but I painted a tunnel on the side of a wall and they all ran into it.

Breaking via Telegram:

You truly don’t realize how young 20 is until you’re not 20 anymore.

Just shared via Threads:

My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Can’t, I’m raging against the machine.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Money talks, and also waves goodbye.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I bought a “How to Be Spontaneous” course… it starts in six months.

I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.

Roman soldiers are all like “I’m going to fight you in this short yet tasteful leather skirt.”

I hope some dyslexic people don’t mail Satan instead of Santa.

In hell, you wait for a ‘verify your email address’ email that never arrives.

If you’re a dude and you’re having a bad day, just remember, no one cares.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨