Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

I have one of those metal briefcases handcuffed to my wrist, and inside… my grandmother’s meatloaf recipe.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

To be happy as a man, you simply need to replace your screen time with beautiful women time.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Maybe there’s an alternate universe where onions cry when they chop up humans, you don’t know.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Thinking of starting a true crime podcast. Gotta explain this search history somehow.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

If Shakespeare were being born today, he’d be “Shaxxespyr.”

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

A dating app called Unhinged where you agree to meet up and fight each other.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Instead of making a sound, car alarms that go off at night should blast your name so everyone knows it’s your car.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax, and rich people can go to jail.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

If I ever look at my phone in the middle of a conversation with you, I’m not reading a text; I’m just looking up the definition of a word I just used a bit too confidently.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Reverse cowgirl so I can bend backward and look at him like the Exorcist.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,659

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself, “Wow, this changes everything.”

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Maybe this is the Windows software update that changes everything for me.

Making waves on Facebook:

Going to the bathroom at night with my flashlight on and a dog next to me feels like I’m gonna solve a mystery.

Going viral on Facebook:

If you’re not happy single you won’t be happy married. Happiness comes from eating food, not from relationships.

Spotted on TikTok:

I miss being the age where the most devastating thing in the world was when my sandwiches got cut into squares instead of triangles.

Going viral on Instagram:

Going to McDonald’s to get the Grinch meal, then going to Burger King to get the Spongebob meal. Then disappearing into the forest for twenty years.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Stop animal testing! Use my ex!

Freshly posted on WeChat:

A big F*** YOU to people driving small cars and pulling deep into parking spaces so I think I have a spot until the last second.

Going viral on Twitch:

Someone has left me a voicemail. I don’t know what to do. Open the phone app? The contacts? Do I turn on the TV?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Some call it flirting… I call it just being extra nice to someone who is extra attractive…

Money talks, and also waves goodbye.

4 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about finances humorously suggesting money both speaks and leaves.

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Commentary:
"When money waves goodbye, it's like my wallet performing a magic disappearing act! 🎩💸😂"

finance, goodbye, humor, joke, money, saying, talk

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75 shares on Reddit this month:

It’s like no one in my family appreciates that I stayed up all night overthinking for them.

77 shares on Instagram this month:

Hate when I view someone’s story, and it’s their birthday.

61 shares on Discord this month:

In 2007, if you wore a long-sleeve T-shirt under a regular T-shirt, it meant that you liked music.

87 shares on LinkedIn this month:

A true friend is someone who thinks you’re a good egg, even though they know you’re slightly cracked.

75 shares on Messenger this month:

I was dropped as an adult.

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

It is easier to pass a camel through the eye of a needle than it is to convince somebody online that they are wrong.

32 shares on Instagram this month:

I need you to think about me 23/7. You get 1 hour a day for yourself.

40 shares on WeChat this month:

When people block me, I just assume it’s for my rugged good looks and killer jawline.

49 shares on YouTube this month:

You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on social media every day.

97 shares on Threads this month:

One or the other, Lord – I can’t be broke and heartbroken.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

During arguments with idiots, I wish I could throw a flash bang and disappear.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Give yourself time to heal. A couple of decades should do it.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

You’re in her DMs. I’m accidentally reposting reels of Tibetan foxes because I don’t know how to use the app anymore.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

When you’re over 40 and a part of your body starts hurting for no reason that is nature sending a “what ya doing?” text.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

I got 3 miles in before breakfast. That’s enough driving for the day.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Dear God, thank you for the job I have. But if you have a lottery win planned for me, I’m ready! Thank you.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

If a tree falls in a forest and doesn’t make a sound, maybe that’s where your kid should be practicing the piano.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

I just got lied to by 3K+ people. That recipe was awful.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Who wants to do all my adult stuff for me today?

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Just had a fight with every item in my closet. They started it.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

Sex so good, my left hand is making my right hand a sandwich.

Breaking via TikTok:

There should be a socially acceptable way to say, “I’m not sure what to say to that. Can you please say something different?”.

Seen just now on YouTube:

If alcohol was the one that was banned instead of weed, then a lot of people would have had memories of hungry, stoned fathers instead of angry, drunk ones.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Sorry I’m late, I was fighting for my right to party.

Making waves on Messenger:

I’m that person who will restart a song because I got distracted and wasn’t appreciating it enough.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I’ve never met a cake I didn’t want to fork.

Spotted on Twitch:

Love is not pushing them down the stairs when you have the opportunity.

Just shared via YouTube:

4 sneezes in a row is clout chasing. Wrap it up!

Seen just now on Telegram:

My husband and I are doing a workshop. He works and I’ll shop.

Spotted on Telegram:

Hobbies include fake smiling while waiting for people to stop talking.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Money talks, and also waves goodbye.

And to my children, I leave 127 open tabs on Safari.

At least men and women can agree on one thing: it feels amazing to take a bra off.

Me passing someone: you slow mule! Me being passed: okay, speed racer!

I got fired from my job at the massage parlor. No specific reason, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

Remember when a series of unfortunate events was a book and not your life?

I need to figure out what I’m going to wear to the couch on New Year’s Eve.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Money talks, and also waves goodbye.

Keep the laugh going 😂

And to my children, I leave 127 open tabs on Safari.

At least men and women can agree on one thing: it feels amazing to take a bra off.

Me passing someone: you slow mule! Me being passed: okay, speed racer!

I got fired from my job at the massage parlor. No specific reason, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

Remember when a series of unfortunate events was a book and not your life?

I need to figure out what I’m going to wear to the couch on New Year’s Eve.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨