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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Why did they call it painting your toenails and not graffeeti?

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

The secret to being able to buy whatever you want is not wanting much.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI get absolutely no work done and then throw their coworker under the bus as soon as their boss asks about it.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Fellas, be sure to never ask a lady any questions on a date. This makes them feel interrogated. Strong declarative statements only.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Today, I want to talk about how people’s houses smell funny, but mine doesn’t.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

The price of groceries has gotten me thinking about what acorns taste like.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

You’re never too old to become less of an idiot.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

All income is disposable if you’re brave enough.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

My sneeze is the reason people in the middle ages believed sneezing was caused by demon possession.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

“Devil’s advocate” implies the existence of heaven’s prosecutor.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,628

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via X:

One night stands just make more sense for single people. Why would you need a night stand on both sides of the bed?

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

My neighbor won’t stop talking about his Rolex and I can’t believe someone stole it tomorrow.

Just landed via WeChat:

Drilling for oil is well boring.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Just a reminder that you’re not allowed to hit your coworkers. Even if they’re stupid. I asked. Twice.

Making waves on Twitch:

Me and the fellas making welcome gift baskets for the aliens.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Channeling my inner forest ghost: hauntingly fabulous and slightly lost.

Trending via Discord:

Before you try to save someone, make sure you’re not interrupting their karma.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

There are always new uncomplimentary angles to view yourself from. Keep contorting!

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Exorcist came by. Says house isn’t possessed, just incredibly poorly built.

Just landed via Threads:

Remember: The first step to recovery is addiction.

Most of being a woman is just removing exclamation points from emails before you send them.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Being a woman: Mastering the delicate art of toning down your excitement in emails! 😅🚫💁‍♀️ #PunctuationStruggles"

before, being, communication, email, emails, exclamation, exclamation point, expectation, gender, humor, just, point, send, woman, writing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Gonna break into your house, toast all your bread and put it back in the bag.

0

2 months ago

activity, back, bag, bread, break, break in, funny activity, house, humor, joke, prank, put, toast
My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

0

2 months ago

collectibles, divorce, friends, humor, i, leave, over, relationship, star, Star Wars, strong, threat, wars, wife
If we breakup because you “wanna focus on school,” I better see you in Harvard.

0

4 weeks ago

better, breakup, education, focus, Harvard, humor, i, relationship, school
Accepting you’re about to throw up, gotta be the worst feeling on God’s green earth.

0

5 months ago

bodily, bodily function, discomfort, Earth, feeling, function, gods, green, nausea, sickness, throw, throw up, worst, worst feeling
Why talk to bots when my plants listen just fine?

0

5 months ago

bot, bots, communication, conversation, fine, humor, just, listen, listening, plant, plants, talk, why
Me to cat: quit looking at me like I’m an ingredient.

0

2 months ago

cat, expression, food, humor, ingredient, looking, me, pet, quit, relationship

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

87 shares on Discord this month:

I bought a little notebook to keep track of who’s above the law.

77 shares on X this month:

Diet Coke is just a fridge cigarette.

53 shares on Pinterest this month:

Seven wives and no alcohol? No thanks, Mormons.

20 shares on X this month:

I relate to a rooster because I also want start off my day by screaming.

18 shares on Reddit this month:

How does one stop eating ice cream when there’s still some in the container?

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

Do you mind if I smash this object of great sentimental value?

68 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’ve already broken all my resolutions and like four commandments.

12 shares on Pinterest this month:

Asking the pharmacy if they have a secret menu.

72 shares on Reddit this month:

You’re the ‘S’ to my ‘HTTP’; without you, I’m just a bad connection!

15 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s crazy people waste their time with hobbies and family when there are strangers on the internet who need to be argued with.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Babies are undefeated at debate. Their gibberish is too passionate.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Ribbed condoms don’t even taste like ribs.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

If a girl sends you selfies and you don’t compliment her, she should be allowed to electrocute you.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

King Kong should’ve been able to find a better place to hide than the top of the tallest building in the middle of New York City.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

A Bug’s Life” (1998) radicalized me.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Men call us “gold diggers” when we expect them to pay for a meal. Honey, a gold digger goes after yachts, not a piece of chicken.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store, and I managed to come home without any junk food. Now, I’m mad that we don’t have any junk food.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I will never forget how to spell bananas, thanks to Gwen Stefani.

Social Media Log 💫

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Most of being a woman is just removing exclamation points from emails before you send them.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Gonna break into your house, toast all your bread and put it back in the bag.

My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

If we breakup because you “wanna focus on school,” I better see you in Harvard.

Accepting you’re about to throw up, gotta be the worst feeling on God’s green earth.

Why talk to bots when my plants listen just fine?

Me to cat: quit looking at me like I’m an ingredient.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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