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Should I be worried that buzzards circle me when I go for a run?

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Someone at my job mentioned severance, and I was like, “Oh my God, I love that show,” and they said, “No, I’m about to get fired.”

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Socks teach us that being made for each other does not mean being together.

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Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

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To the spirits in my walls: going to the store, be right back.

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Remember when we were young we wanted to stay up for New Year’s? Now we’re old and cursing because we’re staying up past 9:30 and our entire sleep routine is disturbed.

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Sex is cool, but have you ever found an academic article that fits your research topic perfectly and supports all of your claims?

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January 1st always feels like a Sunday, regardless of what day it’s actually on.

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We put a man on the moon in 1969, and if you elect me to be your president, I promise that we will not stop until every man is on the moon.

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My toxic trait is thinking I can nap, then waking up 3 hours later in a parallel universe where I missed everything.

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My coffee and I used to be hot. Now, we’re just bitter.

Witty quote about a falling-out with coffee, humorous and sarcastic in tone.

Commentary:
Ah, the bitter truth! β˜•οΈπŸ˜… It seems like your coffee could use some sugar and maybe a little therapy to work through its issues. Or perhaps a change of beans to add some excitement back into your morning routine!



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