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My company promotes diversity. Weโ€™d never hire twins.

My company promotes diversity. Weโ€™d never hire twins.

Commentary:
"Sorry twins, you'll have to take turns applying at this company! We're all about unique individuals here ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ‘ฏโ€โ™‚๏ธ #NoTwinningAllowed"



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Cholesterol has a special place in my heart.

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No, you tell me what YOU were doing during that gap in my resume.

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Dear food, either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

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Getting out of bed should count as resistance training.

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Vegans will look you dead in the eye and tell you cauliflower tastes like ribs.

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The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

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Do I work hard? No. But do I work smart to compensate. Absolutely not.

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Needing to stretch is so funny. Your body is like โ€œUghhh, make me longer!โ€

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You know when you have so much to do that you just sit down and do nothing?

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I hate when people set alarms and it wakes up everybody except for them.