Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Some people spend a fortune so they can circle the world. I drink some beer and the world circles around me.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Honestly, I don’t think I have any more new passwords left in me. You wanna steal my identity? Go ahead, I hope you enjoy debt and terrible posture.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

I’ve been asked to join a swingers club, but I’m a little nervous. What if I’m not good enough? I haven’t been on a swing since I was 9.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Took a personality test and the results just said “uh-oh”

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

My back hurts too much to lean over anymore, going to have to resort to picking things up with a deep curtsy.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

I miss you (the money I spent).

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Chugging a woman’s entire drink at the bar and then saying “you’re safe, there is nothing in your drink.”

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Sometimes it’s the conversations you have with yourself that take the longest.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,543

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

The older I get, the more I start to understand the appeal of birdwatching as a hobby. I do find myself watching these little troublemakers quite often.

Just shared via X:

I was going to cause mischief tonight, but I climbed into my bed instead.

Live now on YouTube:

Word on the street is that the fire in your heart is out.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Thinking of becoming the “where’s my hug” guy in prison.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Women are like a fitted sheet. No matter what you do or how hard you try, they just never seem to cooperate.

Just shared via Reddit:

Shazam but for random noises outside.

Just landed via Facebook:

If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Ho, ho, holy shit is Christmas stressful.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Phone dry, no food in the house, I keep dying in my game. I’m such a loser.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.

My favorite emails are the ones that say your order has shipped.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Nothing beats the excitement of finding out my impulse buys are out for a joyride to my doorstep! 📦🚚💨

delivery, email, emails, excitement, favorite, notification, ones, order, say, shipment, shopping

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Establish dominance at work by drinking iced tea in a wine glass.

0

2 months ago

beverage, confidence, dominance, drinking, glass, humor, iced, iced tea, office, tea, wine, wine glass, work
When someone says they’re never going to talk to me again, I do the right thing and say thank you.

0

5 months ago

again, attitude, breakup, communication, conversation, going, gratitude, humor, i, interaction, me, never, relationship, response, right, sarcasm, say, social, social interaction, someone, talk, thank, thing
Turtles made out of plastic, problem solved.

0

2 months ago

creativity, humor, joke, plastic, problem, solve, turtle, turtles
They should invent a brain that doesn’t whisper bad things to you.

0

4 days ago

bad, brain, humor, inner, inner voice, invent, invention, mind, negative, negative thought, self-talk, should, things, thought, voice, whisper
I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

0

2 months ago

book, call, done, going, humor, i, life, oughtabiography, regrets, self-reflection, should, things, writing
“I’m going to try underthinking about a situation, and see if that works.”

0

2 months ago

attempt, decision making, going, humor, mindset, problem, self-reflection, situation, thinking, try, underthinking, works

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on Pinterest this month:

Men want to meet up too easily. What if I plan to sacrifice you?

69 shares on Discord this month:

It’s strange that we say time is a great healer when it kills 100% of people.

35 shares on Pinterest this month:

Find someone who cares about you as much as Gmail cares about new devices signing into your account.

71 shares on Facebook this month:

When this multivitamin kicks in I’m going to do so much success.

38 shares on Threads this month:

The only thing I don’t miss about the 90s is people smelling like cigarettes.

56 shares on YouTube this month:

Do you all introverts ever open a text and think, ‘I’ll reply when I have the energy,’ and then it’s three weeks, and you have to live with the guilt of being a horrible friend.

10 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you talk on speakerphone in public, everyone around you hates you.

48 shares on Messenger this month:

Obviously, I’m gonna upload pictures with filters and in my best angles. If you wanna see the ugly side of me, come to my house, but bring ice cream.

22 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Inflation is actually a good thing, it means money is going viral.

90 shares on Pinterest this month:

I wonder if Van Halen realized they were writing music just to lift weights to.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Thrifting must be so awesome for big guys and extremely small women.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

Sometimes nature makes art, like trees, waterfalls, and the human butt.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

Who decided that skeletons are scary? Because honestly, I’d be more scared if the muscular system suddenly walked into my room.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

How do you know I’m not just a figment of your imagination?

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

At the end of the day, it’s just me and me.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again because I have a terrible memory.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

Do you ever wake up in the morning and you’re just like… no.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have started asking humans to prove that they are not robots.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

If you compliment me, my glasses fog up.

Just landed via YouTube:

The best way to use Twitter will forever be as an observer.

Seen just now on Reddit:

If pills are too toxic to flush down the toilet, you probably shouldn’t swallow them.

Going viral on TikTok:

Babe, are you okay? You haven’t touched your dark humor all day.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.

Just landed via Messenger:

I mostly choose to stay silent in weird situations but my face has subtitles.

Just landed via X:

Just because talking is for you doesn’t mean that starting a podcast is.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.

Trending via Messenger:

That very depressing moment when you find out the fire alarm that went off at work was just a test.

Making waves on Slack:

Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My favorite emails are the ones that say your order has shipped.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Establish dominance at work by drinking iced tea in a wine glass.

When someone says they’re never going to talk to me again, I do the right thing and say thank you.

Turtles made out of plastic, problem solved.

They should invent a brain that doesn’t whisper bad things to you.

I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

“I’m going to try underthinking about a situation, and see if that works.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨