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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

A frightening number of young people alive today don’t know about Knight Rider.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

She’s got style. She’s got grace. She dropped her cellphone on her face. She’s a lady.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

As a kid, I didn’t understand the subtext of ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus’ at all. I thought Mommy was cheating.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Somebody somewhere today don’t know it’s their last day with all 10 fingers.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Relationship status: the black mold in my shower thinks I’m cute.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Who you are when someone reaches over to take food from your plate… is the real you.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

On a dare, my son sprayed deodorant in his mouth. Now he speaks with an Axe scent.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Isn’t it weird we have a little voice in our head, like the one you’re using to read this?

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Winter is actually awesome because if you put on a couple of movies at 5 p.m., it’s already pitch black and the evening is super long, so it feels like you’re staying up til 2 a.m., but in reality, it’s only 11 p.m. 10/10!

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

My boss told me “It’s not rocket science.” Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

She took all my money, called me fat, AND stabbed me in the arm. I hate doctor appointments.

Shared recently on Slack:

Bob was hungry. He ripped open a new bag of tortillas only to discover a convenient, resealable opening on the other end.

Just landed via Facebook:

Can’t believe I didn’t get invited to that party I would have made up an excuse not to go to.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Did you know that if a unicorn and I were to race, the unicorn would likely win cause unicorns are about as real as my desire to race anything?

Making waves on Telegram:

Whoever said “out of sight out of mind” never lost a spider in the bedroom.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

After an hour on this team meeting I’m not wanting to be a team player anymore.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Be the reason why a count unleashes ancient horrors onto the world when he thinks of you.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

December calories don’t count. That’s the law.

Trending via Discord:

Went outside. Touched grass. Got bit by bugs. Zero stars.

Going viral on WeChat:

If you see me online, I’m not chatting. I’m busy ignoring the world and laughing at memes like it’s therapy.

My lips could use some attention today.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Funny quote about self-care with playful words about needing a little lip attention.

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Commentary:
Pucker up and get ready for lip-lockdown! 💋😂

attention, beauty, humor, lip, lips, self-care, today

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Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on YouTube this month:

Some woman is out there right now, pregnant with Leonardo DiCaprio’s next girlfriend.

47 shares on Threads this month:

After being raised on Disney movies, I’m very disappointed how few adult problems can be solved by a good song and dance.

83 shares on Discord this month:

I know it’s true because the people on the internet said so.

19 shares on Instagram this month:

“Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.

72 shares on Slack this month:

Therapy isn’t gonna cut it, I need vengeance.

50 shares on Telegram this month:

Beer is Narcan for when you overdose on Microsoft Teams.

59 shares on Snapchat this month:

Your 20s are for trying soup, making new soups, and discussing soup or soup related topics.

81 shares on X this month:

Our parents are going to be shocked when they find out that most of us are serious about not getting married.

85 shares on Instagram this month:

Warning: This movie contains “Adult Themes” such as interest rates, bad knees, back pain, and excitement about going to bed early.

25 shares on WeChat this month:

Fun fact: a person’s music taste can actually tell their intelligence level.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s: your chin looks lonely, here’s another one.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

I kind of enjoy living in a world where I can end a conversation by simply not texting back.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Sorry boys, but I’ve already got my eyes on a guy who’s not interested.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Doctors who give out lollipops really treat their patients.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

My future husband and I will be stay-at-home parents, and the kids will go to work.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Sometimes life is like a cowshed. You step from one turd into the next.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

I had a sex dream last night that felt so real, I’m just gonna go ahead and add it to my body count.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

The first Humans saw the sun go up and then back down, and so they decided to call it a day.

Going bananas on Threads:

Thank God for headphones and day dreaming.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Laying next to my charger waiting for my phone to die, that’s how lazy I am.

Spotted on Discord:

I’ve never been cut in half by a magician, but I have worn jeans on Thanksgiving. Same thing.

Just shared via Twitch:

Yoga is just slow motion breakdancing.

Going viral on Messenger:

My new drivers license arrived and when I opened it, I gasped. How’d they get a picture of my mother?

Trending via Discord:

They should invent a Twitter where the timeline doesn’t refresh against your will.

Just landed via Messenger:

Women aren’t complicated. Just give us attention and leave us alone.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Photogenic people are magical. You could snap a pic of them mid- explosive diarrhea, and they’d still look good.

Just landed via Instagram:

Sorry for my bad behavior. Mercury is in gatorade or whatever.

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Activity Log ✨

My lips could use some attention today.

I once hated my job so much that I would come home from work and watch vlogs of people quitting their jobs, wishing it was me.

You can’t have a bad day at work if you don’t go.

If I’m gonna jingle your bells, I’m definitely gonna jingle them all the way.

While you were rotting and wasting your life away, I was doing the exact same thing.

Lawyers should get walk-up songs in court like how wrestlers do.

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My lips could use some attention today.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I once hated my job so much that I would come home from work and watch vlogs of people quitting their jobs, wishing it was me.

You can’t have a bad day at work if you don’t go.

If I’m gonna jingle your bells, I’m definitely gonna jingle them all the way.

While you were rotting and wasting your life away, I was doing the exact same thing.

Lawyers should get walk-up songs in court like how wrestlers do.

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨