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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Hawk o the mornin tuah

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

The recipe I’m making specifically says allow to cook undisturbed, and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Most of my exercise comes from getting up to let the cat in and out.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Donating blood today to make room for more food.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

I did vote once but only because I thought the line was to a buffet.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Don’t break someone’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206 of them.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

The lion is starting to concern himself with things he’s been trying to ignore.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

I did not spend years turning the faucet off while I brushed my teeth, so corporations could ruin the environment with festering AI slop.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,421

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Slack:

I need someone to wring out my brain like a dishrag.

Making waves on Telegram:

Good morning to everyone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

Making waves on X:

They should make a separate airport for people who know how to act like they’ve been out in public before.

Going viral on WeChat:

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?

Spotted on Twitch:

A couple of birds are outside fighting. Wait. They’ve quieted down. There’s a third bird. I think he may be their therapist.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

Just shared via YouTube:

Being a writer means canceling your plans so you have time to write, and then spending hours avoiding writing.

Shared recently on X:

Every family needs a delusional daughter who is ambitious about relieving all her family’s struggles solely by winning the lottery one day.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I wish men had sluttier outfit options. Because why am I in a mini skirt, and you’re in a quarter zip?

Shared recently on Reddit:

I can understand why chickens wake up and scream.

My Mom say that everyone has a beautiful side, so I guess I’m a circle.

2 weeks ago

Playful quote about self-acceptance and humor, highlighting a fun take on being a circle.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like I'm not just a wonderful human being, I'm also perfectly round! 🟠 Embracing my circularity in all its glory. Thanks, Mom, for reminding me that beauty comes in all shapes…and apparently, I'm shape-shifting into a circle! ⭕ #RoundAndProud #EmbracingMyCurves"

beautiful, beautiful side, circle, everyone, family, humor, i, mom, perspective, self-deprecation, side

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on Threads this month:

Normalize having a threatening aura, but really just being a sweetheart.

18 shares on Slack this month:

I used to have this mental illness, where I thought logical arguments would change someone’s mind.

82 shares on Discord this month:

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

44 shares on Telegram this month:

I enjoy excess, but only in moderation.

83 shares on YouTube this month:

I finally have glasses, which is great because I needed one more thing to frantically search for every morning.

75 shares on Instagram this month:

You better pray to whatever god you serve that this email finds you before I do.

22 shares on Facebook this month:

I always have a bad connection in my head when someone tries to explain a card or board game to me.

84 shares on Messenger this month:

My plant is drunk, it’s growing in the wrong direction.

22 shares on TikTok this month:

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

72 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Trying to work outside on a laptop is like sunbathing on a melting ice cube.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I love my bodyguard. I would take a bullet for him.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If an ice cream truck has its music on, are you supposed to pull over and let it pass like an ambulance?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter is Iike the smoking area for social media.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

If she says “so just what exactly is THAT supposed to mean”, you’re gonna have a bad time.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My bank account is also in retrograde.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t tell me about your wild weekend. My TV remote died and I switched the batteries around, and now it’s working.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the same bill I couldn’t afford to pay in a different color.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Talking to the stars because people suck.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop eating around the bush or whatever the saying is.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband said it would be easier if we had a Christmas house that we moved into in December, instead of taking all these decorations out.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,637

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

In banana years, I am bread.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

I went for an interview at IKEA. The manager greeted me by saying “come in, make a seat”.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

I’m really into writing short fiction, mainly to-do lists.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Home is where the clothes rack stands in the way.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Hot person: wow, everyone here is so nice.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

I have 206 bones, 650 muscles and 50 billion cells in my body. It takes time to wake up all of them up in the morning.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

If A-B-C-D didn’t take their sweet time in the alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to sprint every time.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

A garlic a day keeps the doctor away.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

The first person to throw out bath water: Uh oh.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

And to my grandchildren, I leave my unread PDFs.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

My favourite thing about waking up at ridiculous o’clock is the solitude.

Spotted on Facebook:

I can’t go to war, I have to water my plants.

Just landed via TikTok:

November should have one more day. Just because to me November 31st sounds real. And also I don’t want to pay rent tomorrow.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Rather than touching grass, I recommend going to a concert and experiencing the live performance of that one song you hold religiously close to your heart.

Shared recently on Discord:

You know you’re getting old when the radio stations and bars play music you don’t like, but the supermarket is throwing out banger after banger.

Going bananas on WeChat:

My favorite part about standing in line is watching the other lines move more quickly.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

How are there low birth rates when everyone here is a big baby?

Trending via X:

I’d post more pics, but I don’t want y’all falling in love all at once.

Just shared via Twitch:

I waste a lot of time putting my phone down to just pick it back up again.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Nobody defends billionaires better than dudes making $50,000 a year.

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