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Guy inventing jogging: how can I suffer, but with music?

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The week before your period doesnโ€™t make any sense… until you realize itโ€™s the week before your period.

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“Mom, how did we get so rich?” your father said, “Thanks, nothing from my end,” on thousands of important Zoom meetings.

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Whoever was the first to shorten “Richard” down to “Dick” must have really hated that guy.

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Time travel is all well and good, but I feel so stupid right now. None of them have the mustache. No way to tell which baby is Hitler.

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One of the most amazing things in nature is that the basketball hoop is the perfect size to fit a basketball through.

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I think it’s clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like.

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Just said “shitted feet” instead of “fitted sheet” in front of my my son and his friends. If you need me, Iโ€™ll be in the closet.

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My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

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Meeting Beyoncรฉ and telling her I loved her in Goldmember and mentioning nothing about her music career, just to see if it throws her off.

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My recliner and I go way back.

My recliner and I go way back.

Commentary:
“Ah, the bond between a person and their recliner is truly timeless. ๐Ÿช‘๐Ÿ’• It’s like they say, true love reclines together! ๐Ÿ˜„”

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