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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

I hate how l am a “I have an appointment at 4pm so I can’t do anything all day” type of person.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

According to my chocolate advent calendar, tomorrow is Christmas.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Meetings are just podcasts I didn’t choose.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Me drinking green tea: this is going to fix everything.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

I know I’m mad when I start talking to myself about it.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Apparently, I’m not even going through a lot; I just need money.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Laugh all you want. My Encyclopedia Britannica set will never require WiFi.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

If I’m ever mad at you, just talk to me in a sweeter and softer tone, and watch how quickly that anger disappears.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

The older I get, the more I love my morning coffee and no one speaking to me.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Cheating on a partner should affect your credit score.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,568

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

Making waves on Threads:

Congratulations on getting to the red light first. You’re special.

Shared recently on X:

Do clouds ever look down on us and say, “This one is shaped like an idiot”?

Just shared via Facebook:

December turns me into someone who believes a fat man with a beard can fix everything.

Live now on X:

Despite removing all the stains, I still lost my job as a church window cleaner.

Just landed via Pinterest:

The house from Hansel and Gretel but made out of tacos.

Going viral on TikTok:

As soon as the sun comes back out, I want a beer. It’s science.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Lately life has been all panic no disco.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Women will be like “I know a spot,” and then take you directly to hell.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Next time I die, I’m going to make sure I’m reincarnated someplace other than Earth.

My superpower is holding onto stuff for years and throwing it away exactly one week before I need it.

Funny quote about procrastination and misplaced superpowers in a playful, witty tone.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the true superpower of impeccable timing! 💫 That uncanny ability to part ways with something just before its redemption day is a special skill indeed. 🕰️ Who needs a superhero cape when you can master the art of perfectly mistimed decluttering? 🦸‍♂️🗑️ #ThrowItAwayRightBeforeINeedIt

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on Messenger this month:

Be nice to your children’s teachers. Especially elementary ones, cause kids have loose lips and that teacher has all the dirt on you.

57 shares on WeChat this month:

Some people get it. Most people don’t.

22 shares on Pinterest this month:

Why do we call it tuna fish? Is there any other tuna out there that’s not a fish?

85 shares on WeChat this month:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? I don’t even know where I am right now.

45 shares on Telegram this month:

I have a man cold. Goodbye, world. Tell my story.

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.

45 shares on Discord this month:

Dear LOL, thanks for being there when I have nothing else to say.

29 shares on WeChat this month:

Why does it take 5-7 days to refund me when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out?

76 shares on Messenger this month:

The first time you forgive out of love. The second time out of hope and the third time out of stupidity.

39 shares on X this month:

It was so windy today when I was walking to the gym that I got blown into the wine store.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Why, as a hair, would you even wanna be ingrown. Like why are you doing that?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Gutted to report that spending a day offline, touching grass with my friends, was phenomenal for my mental health.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Still hard to believe that access to infinite information made us dumber.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

GTA6 should have streams and wetlands so we can work to conserve and restore them.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s time I admit something: Sometimes, when I say good night, I don’t actually go to bed right away.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The guy that said laughter is the best medicine obviously wasn’t suffering from diarrhea.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Men will ruin your whole life then come back and like your story.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I do not know how to put this gently, but part of being a good driver is using the gas and brake as little as humanly possible.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My robot vacuum and I are cut from the same cloth. When we see a line of dirt on the kitchen floor, we just spin around and go the other way.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,389

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

I wish I could join, but I’m busy plotting revenge because my kids laughed when I showed them I can shake it better than Shakira.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

I’m a big fan of that post-laundry feeling when you’ve got all your A-list clothes back in the game.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Tattoo idea for men: spider webs in the corners of the receding hairline.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Bored as hell. Anyone want to emotionally manipulate each other?

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Off to my crying appointment (therapy).

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Coffee doesn’t solve all my problems. But it definitely stops me from constantly creating new ones.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Relationship status: We have changed from “I love you” to “I love YouTube”.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Remember that even the worst haircut will eventually grow on you.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Discord:

Can you imagine being a 7th grade girl and being able to see your crush’s bedroom during Zoom math class.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

At my age, I’m more frightened of a hip break than a heartbreak.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Hansel and Gretel weren’t wrong, every bad decision I’ve ever made started with being hungry.

Just landed via Facebook:

Sorry for being socially awkward. It’s just that I’m socially awkward.

Just landed via TikTok:

I will never be the person this serving size suggestion wants me to be.

Seen just now on X:

Have you tried complaining about it?

Making waves on Facebook:

“Is there anything else I can assist you with today?” No, just that one thing you couldn’t assist me with, thanks.

Making waves on Telegram:

I asked my dad what his favorite joke was. He said, “I can’t pick a favorite. I love you and your sister equally!”

Shared recently on Slack:

Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Shoutout to everyone pretending to have it together. Same.

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