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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has viewed:

The new American dream is an alien invasion.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡จ has copied:

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has shared:

I need a leaf blower, but for people.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ท has bookmarked:

Sometimes my mouth hits send before my brain has a chance to stop it.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฟ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has viewed:

Just saw someone my age running and she wasnโ€™t chasing an ice-cream truck.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡ธ has viewed:

Dear deodorant manufacturers, please stop writing “72h” on your products. There are people who believe that. And they sit next to me on the bus. Always. All of them!

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ณ has bookmarked:

Horror movies have ruined the joy of skinny-dipping for me.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฟ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has bookmarked:

“Comparison is the thief of joy!” Well, not if you’re better than everyone else.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฏ๐Ÿ‡ด has viewed:

The fake cough I use when calling in sick is now available on iTunes.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ท has downloaded:

Iโ€™m in a comfy dress today, but I look like a potato in floral. Call me Nelly Flortato.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

790 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,952

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,952

Updated

35 minutes ago

Users Online

3,429

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Seen just now on Twitch:

My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Iโ€™d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast it had to be done by Elvis.

Reported on Facebook:

Does anyone know how to lower the difficulty setting on my life?

Broadcasted on Facebook:

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you started eating chips.

Spotted on Discord:

My sleeping pattern isn’t even a pattern anymore. It’s a lifestyle.

Just shared via Twitch:

Texting random numbers โ€œItโ€™s done.โ€

Seen just now on Facebook:

Everyone becomes a robo-dancer when the motion sensor faucet isnโ€™t working.

Making waves on Facebook:

After careful consideration, I think Iโ€™d have way more fun if I was incredibly stupid.

Going viral on YouTube:

Never trust a wet fart.

Live now on Twitch:

Love to go to hipster restaurants and eat half a grilled cheese off an old license plate.

Nobody stresses a woman out more than a man who isn’t her man yet.

Nobody stresses a woman out more than a man who isn’t her man yet.
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Commentary:
๐Ÿ’โ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿค” "Nobody knows how to turn a woman into a walking stress ball better than a man in the 'not quite there yet' zone. It's like juggling stress balls while blindfolded and hoping for a perfect landing! ๐Ÿ˜… #AlmostThereButNotQuite"

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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media need people procrastination relationship sarcasm social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

790 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,952

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,952

Updated

35 minutes ago

Users Online

3,443

Funny Quotes of the Month ๐Ÿš€

Funny Quotes of the Year โญ

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ญ๐Ÿ‡บ has viewed:

People just don’t build cities on rock and roll anymore.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡น has shared:

Valentineโ€™s Day is a stupid and made up holiday unless someone wants to give me a present in which case I really believe in celebrating it.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ผ has copied:

Lifting my wifeโ€™s wedding veil and finding out sheโ€™s Darth Maul.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ง has viewed:

My kids are smart but sometimes they say dumb stuff like, โ€œMom, why do you always buy Snickers when youโ€™re the only one who likes them?โ€

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฉ has viewed:

Iโ€™ve folded seven page corners of the book Iโ€™m reading. Thatโ€™s 49 in dog ears.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ฌ has shared:

If I’m not spoken to, my morning grumpiness goes almost unnoticed.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡น has downloaded:

Instead of likes, we should get a little kiss.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฉ has copied:

We could all be hibernating right now but noooooo we have to be โ€œadultsโ€ with โ€œresponsibilitiesโ€.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ธ has downloaded:

I donโ€™t even check my bank account no more. I just swipe my card and if itโ€™s godโ€™s will, money will be debited.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ผ๐Ÿ‡ธ has bookmarked:

Every night, millions of teeth go unbrushed.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Just shared via YouTube:

My husband was unable to find his coat earlier as heโ€™d accidentally hung it up.

Seen just now on YouTube:

“Itโ€™s all in your head.” Correct! Unfortunately, I am also in there.

Just landed via YouTube:

Unfortunately, I will continue to get sexier and funnier.

Just landed via Telegram:

A gender-neutral equivalent of โ€˜sugar daddyโ€™ is glucose guardian.

Just shared via Slack:

Bold of me to constantly use the phrase โ€œno worries!โ€ when I am, in fact, constantly full of many worries.

Just landed via Telegram:

I wish my wife’s sighs came with subtitles.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Dear God, thank you for the job I have. But if you have a lottery win planned for me, I’m ready! Thank you.

Going viral on Messenger:

I don’t even know what the Transformers are fighting about, to be honest.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain, and most do.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Eating wings is the opposite of flying.

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ยฉ 2025. All fights retarded. ๐Ÿคช

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