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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

Curly fries are my favorite as they’re salty and spiraling, like me.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

If you ever feel useless, remember that there are bathrooms at pools.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

If she tells you, she’s got a man, keep trying. Loyal women don’t even reply.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

You now have the chance to be the first person to send me nudes.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

People moaning and making noise over food makes me so livid I can’t keep it in.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

I find it sad that my universal remote does not control the universe. Not even remotely.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so eat that cake today.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

A dating app called Unhinged where you agree to meet up and fight each other.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Stop trying to be liked by everybody. You don’t even like everybody.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Putting your wedding scrapbook in the little free library is an unprecedented level of divorced.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,581

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

Breaking News: Local woman stuns in new unnecessary online purchase.

Just landed via YouTube:

Sorry, can’t. Waiting for my clothes to come back into style again.

Trending via Telegram:

My boss told me to show initiative, so I decided to finish work early.

Seen just now on Slack:

You know you’re over 50 when you have “upstairs Ibuprofen” and “downstairs Ibuprofen”.

Just landed via Discord:

Not now, kitten. Mommy’s destroying and betraying herself for nothing.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

“Slipping in the shower and trying to hold on to the water jet…” Shall I tell you more about myself?

Making waves on WeChat:

I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and all I find is ingredients.

Live now on Instagram:

You come from dust and you will return to dust. That’s why I don’t dust. It could be someone I know.

Just shared via Pinterest:

How come it’s called “thrift store shopping” instead of Goodwill hunting?

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Someone asked, “Can I bum a scroll?” because they deleted Instagram off their phone.

Nothing ruins your weekend faster than remembering Monday is lurking in the shadows.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Just when you thought it was safe to enjoy the weekend, here comes Monday creeping in like a ninja! 😅⏳🕵️‍♂️

anticipation, faster, humor, lurking, Monday, nothing, procrastination, remembering, reminder, ruin, ruins, shadow, weekend, workweek

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Thanksgiving ain’t been the same ever since my uncle pulled that gun out on everybody.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward situation, ever, family, gathering, gun, holiday, humor, situation, Thanksgiving, uncle
The list of women who haven’t slept with me is really impressive.

0

2 months ago

confidence, dating, humor, impressive, list, me, relationships, sleep, women
I took the first step towards cleaning out my closet today. I went in there and looked it over good.

0

2 months ago

cleaning, closet, first step, good, humor, i, organization, over, procrastination, self-improvement, step, today
That odd feeling when your lunch break is over and you still have to work for another 30 years.

0

2 months ago

30, another, break, feeling, lunch, odd, over, still, work, year’s
You will watch an old classic movie that kind of sucks. Then, on the IMDb trivia, it says, this was the first time a film director ever pointed the camera at the sun.

0

5 months ago

camera, classic, classic movie, director, ever, fact, film, film director, film history, funny observation, history, IMDb, kind, movie, movie fact, movie trivia, observation, old, sucks, sun, time, trivia, watch
If at first you don’t succeed, that’s so embarrassing. Why are you so bad at this?

0

2 months ago

attempt, bad, embarrassing, embarrassment, failure, humor, motivation, success

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on Threads this month:

Centaurs can’t wipe their asses.

49 shares on Facebook this month:

When I was a kid, they played lame music for middle-aged people in the supermarket, but this morning at Whole Foods, it’s now all amazing bangers from my youth.

92 shares on Slack this month:

Nothing more rude than taking a photo of yourself and it looking like how you actually look, and not how you look inside your head.

100 shares on Twitch this month:

Hey, I noticed you’re not saying what I want.

89 shares on Messenger this month:

Bank account nice and empty. Starting the new month on a clean slate.

43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

True romantics have made peace with the possibility of lifelong solitude.

29 shares on Twitch this month:

Calm yourself, Lucifer. You did the right thing coming to me for advice.

28 shares on Facebook this month:

I said it was my favorite show, I didn’t say it was good.

94 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t know much, but I do know melancholia is a way cooler diagnosis than depression.

39 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Congratulations to the people who never took their Christmas decorations down. You’re almost there.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

I’m an adult. I can do whatever I want. And yet, here I am just doing laundry, eating salads, taking antidepressants, flossing my teeth, and going on little walks. Like an IDIOT.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

Unfortunately, I don’t give ugly men a chance, because they wouldn’t give me one if I were the ugly one.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

The Bible is 100% accurate when thrown at close range.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Flirting when bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

Forget mini pizzas. I want one so big it needs a forklift to rotate it.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

Why is everyone against sugar? Who stood beside you when things went wrong and you were sad? It wasn’t lettuce, for sure.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

Am I the only one who prays about everything? Like, ‘God, please help me find where I dropped my AirPods.’

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Obituaries should have clickbait titles.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

They should invent a Twitter where the timeline doesn’t refresh against your will.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

The week be like Mooonnnday, Tueeesday, Weeeeednesday, Thuuuuursday, FriSatSun

Just landed via YouTube:

If your first child is uncomplicated, then it’s a trick of nature to get you to have a second child. The second will be an unpredictable bundle of energy that seems to get by without sleep.

Going viral on Messenger:

I have had songs stuck in my head and I have had people stuck in my head, I highly recommend songs.

Seen just now on Discord:

An email so annoying, you wanna return the computer to the store.

Making waves on Discord:

The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

Trending via Instagram:

The three people who like every single one of my posts are going in my will.

Just landed via Messenger:

How late is too late to still be lying in bed, naked, drinking coffee?

Just landed via Facebook:

Wanted to update everybody on my diet. I’ve decided it’s okay to be fat.

Going bananas on X:

Some people shop for designer heels. I shop for nonstop flight deals.

Going viral on Messenger:

Sometimes I wish I understood what some of you said and sometimes I am happy that I don’t.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Nothing ruins your weekend faster than remembering Monday is lurking in the shadows.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Thanksgiving ain’t been the same ever since my uncle pulled that gun out on everybody.

The list of women who haven’t slept with me is really impressive.

I took the first step towards cleaning out my closet today. I went in there and looked it over good.

That odd feeling when your lunch break is over and you still have to work for another 30 years.

You will watch an old classic movie that kind of sucks. Then, on the IMDb trivia, it says, this was the first time a film director ever pointed the camera at the sun.

If at first you don’t succeed, that’s so embarrassing. Why are you so bad at this?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨