36 funny faster quotes - Wordgag

Nothing ruins your weekend faster than remembering Monday is lurking in the shadows.

May 30, 2026

Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer to the end you get, the faster it goes.

May 30, 2026

Nothing humbles you faster than rereading something you were proud of yesterday.

May 29, 2026

How can my iPhone camera reach the moon faster than a rocket?

May 29, 2026

Nobody declines a call faster than a 3-year-old watching YouTube.

May 29, 2026

The only thing faster than an escalator is an escasooner.

May 29, 2026

Someone just honked to get me out of my parking spot faster… so now I have to sit here until both of us are dead.

May 29, 2026

A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So, in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

May 28, 2026

I birthed my kid faster than she can put on shoes.

May 27, 2026

The gossip in my town is faster than the Wi-Fi.

May 27, 2026

My mouth moves faster than my survival instincts.

May 26, 2026

No one declines an incoming call faster than a 3-year-old watching YouTube.

May 26, 2026

Bruce Lee had a faster older brother named Sudden Lee.

May 26, 2026

If your boyfriend insists he rolls everywhere because it’s ‘faster than walking’, you may be dating a gamer.

May 25, 2026

No one watches your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

May 25, 2026

Nothing humbles you faster than your phone slipping out of your hand and hitting your face.

May 24, 2026

I would like even faster food.

May 24, 2026

I’m tired and drank a lot of coffee, so now I’m tired but faster.

May 24, 2026

“Baby on board” Okay, well, can you tell him to drive faster?

May 24, 2026

Nothing flies faster than the ketchup out of the bottle when you only want a little.

May 23, 2026

Light is faster than sound. That’s why people seem so bright until you hear them talk.

May 23, 2026

Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

May 23, 2026

When I’m president, everyone who listens to techno, house or rap will be allowed to drive a little faster than others.

May 23, 2026

One pretty important part of being a dad is walking faster than the rest of your family through an airport.

May 23, 2026

Whenever I go down the stairs next to an escalator, I always move faster than the escalator to prove to the people I made the better decision.

May 23, 2026

The only thing that has grown faster than rents in recent years is the overtime we have to work to pay them.

May 22, 2026

My 3 weeks without sweets were over after 12 hours. Proof that time runs faster with increasing age.

May 21, 2026

You can’t keep running away from your problems, you’re getting older and your kids are getting faster.

May 21, 2026

Nothing makes you regret an outfit choice faster than when you see teens looking at you and whispering.

May 21, 2026

Nothing humbles me faster than my phone camera accidentally turning on.

May 20, 2026May 20, 2026

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

May 20, 2026

Spilling hot coffee on your lap wakes you up faster than drinking it.

May 20, 2026

Nobody views your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

May 20, 2026

I don’t know much, but I know this: the older you get, the faster the number of things you’re willing to wait in line for approaches zero.

May 20, 2026

Fruit and vegetables expire faster when you’re the one paying for them.

May 19, 2026

The only thing that drains faster than my phone battery is my bank account.

May 19, 2026