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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Dudes be named Will but won’t.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

Being excited to get in bed really is a different level of adulting.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

People on diet aren’t mad at you. They’re mad at their lunch.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

You know those couples who share their food? I mean, what kind of people are they? Aren’t they hungry?

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Welcome to your late 40s! From now on you will no longer be in “good health” but in “good health for your age”.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

I don’t hate anyone in particular, I just hate everyone in general.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

I think my dog always follows me to the bathroom because I always follow him outside and he thinks that’s the way it works.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Welcome to your 40s, your level of cleaning is directly related to whether your guest can see without readers.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

I’m doing well at accomplishing nothing today and I’m very proud of myself.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Me to alien: I, too, try to live among people undetected.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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730 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,892

Funny Quotes Topics

13,871

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10,892

Updated

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Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

I feel like we’re on like the 50th or 60th horseman of the apocalypse by now.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Not to brag but I don’t even need meditation, my mind goes blank the second someone asks me for directions.

Spotted on Messenger:

The older I get, the more I lose my looks. But I’m also losing my eyesight, so it’s not my problem.

Just shared via Discord:

An adult is a person who makes noise when they stand up.

Reported on X:

The nice thing about getting older is that you don’t even have to be drunk to fall in the bushes.

Just shared via Twitch:

Every guy wants to be called Daddy till that test comes back positive.

Seen just now on Discord:

Tornados are just a bunch of ghosts fighting over a cow.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Shut up brain, I wasn’t even talking to me.

Going viral on X:

I don’t like this new trend of old people wearing shirts of bands I listened to when I was a kid.

Breaking via YouTube:

Home is where the tap water doesn’t taste funny.

Oh, sorry about bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to slam my head into the walls anymore.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Guess you're just trying to keep your head in the game… or at least in one piece! 😅🦵🚧

accident, allowed, bouncing, head, humor, injury, joke, leg, oh, playful, self-deprecating, slam, sorry, wall, walls

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

The paintings I always like the most in museums are the ones that have a bench.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Mice after a breakup be like “we are not on squeaking terms”.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

FOMO? No, I’ve got FOBI. Fear of being invited.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

If you’re wondering whether something is A.I. or not, A.I. has already won.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

According to the smoke alarm, the food is ready.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Whenever I’m willing to sell my soul, there’s usually food involved.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

“This too shall pass.” And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never f**king ends.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Idiocracy wasn’t supposed to be a documentary.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

“I’m not falling for that again,” I say, as I’m about to fall for whatever that is again.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

That sound when you close the cupboard and hear something fall inside, that’s the sound of somebody else’s problem.

Breaking via Facebook:

Welcome to adulthood: 9pm is midnight now.

Shared recently on X:

Group projects taught me how to do everything alone and trust no one.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Did 900 crunches today. It was a bag of Cheetos, but still.

Seen just now on Slack:

Saw someone from high school. She said she hadn’t seen me in years. That’s likely because I’d always seen her first.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.

Shared recently on WeChat:

If you can’t handle me at my worst just imagine how I feel.

Live now on Facebook:

Don’t fall for me — I’ll treat you right, and you’ll get bored and cheat.

Reported on Pinterest:

Dua Lipa is a fantastic singer AND Mario’s advice to Luigi when he wants to get on a slightly higher platform.

Live now on TikTok:

My whole life is basically a blooper reel.

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Oh, sorry about bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to slam my head into the walls anymore.

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

My toxic trait is destroying my room every time I get dressed.

Work for a living? In this economy?

The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies, you’d almost think it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

My car is making strange noises but it’s just me singing.

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I also want them to get lice.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

My one cat vomited her dinner and then the other cat went in and started eating it. And that, my friends, is what ChatGPT is to me.

Traveling long distance without earphones feels like you’re serving a jail term.

Don’t worry. You’re exactly where you should be in life. Because you’ve made horrible choices.

Every morning when that damn alarm clock goes off, I just feel it so much: A million-dollar inheritance suits me much better than an office job.

Why socialize when you could party inside your room with your 10+ personalities?

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Not smiling until Friday; nothing is funny this week.

Socialism is like polio, it comes back when people forget about the horrible damage it did last time.

I wish I were a wild horse in Kazakhstan. That would fix everything.

Every day when I get home, I thank my cats for allowing me to live in their house.

I don’t think I’ve ever made the right amount of pasta.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

Respect people who wear glasses because they paid money to see you.

I love saying “why would I lie” when I’m lying.

I’m feeling very anxious. I think this 7th mug of coffee will take the edge off.

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Oh, sorry about bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to slam my head into the walls anymore.

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