37 funny allowed quotes - Wordgag

Feels like if cicadas are allowed to just sit in a tree and scream, I should also be.

May 19, 2026

People without a sense of humor should not be allowed to decide what people with a sense of humor are allowed to laugh at.

May 19, 2026

Sorry, I would love to, but I just made a bunch of rules for myself, and I’m actually not allowed to do that.

May 19, 2026

“You’re not allowed to be grumpy on a Friday, it’s in the fine print somewhere.”

May 19, 2026

I bet the guy who named the sperm whale wasn’t allowed to name things anymore after that.

May 19, 2026

Celebrities should not be allowed to name children.

May 18, 2026

I feel like you’re allowed to start your day at 4 p.m. if you are pure of heart.

May 18, 2026

Millennials are so young because we were never allowed to grow up. Still living like broke college kids in our 40s.

Apr 1, 2026

I don’t think I’m allowed to be in public for over an hour.

Apr 1, 2026

Only bots from Nigeria are allowed to call me dear.

Apr 1, 2026

You should be allowed to call out of work if you have a really bad nightmare.

Apr 1, 2026

Can’t believe I spent so many years of my life asking teachers if I was allowed to use the bathroom, and sometimes be told no. What the hell?

Apr 1, 2026

As a girl, I should be allowed to speak to the moon directly.

Mar 31, 2026

The thing I can’t get over about Love Island is they’re only allowed 2 drinks a night, like they’re all just acting like that.

Mar 31, 2026

People that I dislike shouldn’t be allowed to consume the media that I like.

Mar 31, 2026

Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn’t be allowed to talk.

Mar 31, 2026

Today is one of those days where I have to remind myself that you’re not allowed to strangle people.

Mar 31, 2026

I’m surprised some of you are allowed out of your house on your own.

Mar 31, 2026

I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.

Mar 30, 2026

You should be allowed to leave work early if you miss your wife enough.

Mar 30, 2026

Sorry for bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to bash my head into the walls anymore.

Mar 30, 2026

People who work in customer service should be allowed to fight one customer a day. Two on Fridays.

Mar 30, 2026

Spewing nonsense online is the most fun a depressed person is allowed to have in these twisted times.

Mar 29, 2026

Oh, sorry about bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to slam my head into the walls anymore.

Mar 29, 2026

Whoever allowed me to become an adult needs to be fired.

Mar 29, 2026

You should be allowed to miss work if you’re not feeling sexy.

Mar 29, 2026

You should be allowed to speed if good music is playing.

Mar 29, 2026

I don’t think astronauts should be allowed to come back. You made your choice.

Mar 29, 2026

If a ham is allowed to spiral then so am I.

Mar 28, 2026

People should be allowed to leave work early if they want to go see a movie.

Mar 27, 2026

How long are you allowed to hide in the bathroom during family visits?

Mar 27, 2026

You should be allowed to leave work early if you are really in love.

Mar 27, 2026

Men shouldn’t be allowed to download any app other than Wikipedia.

Mar 27, 2026

People who work in retail should be allowed to slap a customer or two each Christmas, as a little treat.

Mar 27, 2026

If a girl sends you selfies and you don’t compliment her, she should be allowed to electrocute you.

Mar 27, 2026

You are allowed to be crazy as long as you are equally as hot.

Mar 27, 2026

You should be allowed to go home early from work if you miss your dog a lot.

Mar 24, 2026