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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Every time I watch “The Godfather”, I notice some new detail (they’re Italian???).

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

I love how all the movies about teenagers have to be set in the 90s or earlier otherwise we’d just be watching kids on their phones for two hours.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

People who play golf don’t concern me nearly as much as the people who watch it.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

White, black, yellow, brown, Democrat, Republican, man, woman, straight, gay, transgender, Jew, Christian, Muslim, young and old — you will all taste the same to the zombies.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Not leaving the house and not having contact with other people. The punishments of my childhood are now my hobbies.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you are done.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a kid that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

How come all the single people don’t need no one, and all the married ones need two?

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

You’d think someone in the room would’ve spoken up like “hey guys, maybe it’s a bad idea to make one ring to rule them all”.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Interrupt my sleep and I’ll interrupt your breathing.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,611

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

Ironically, the Internet was invented to save time.

Going viral on Facebook:

Do other people remember toasters with wings flying across our computer screens or was that a fever dream I just had?

Going viral on Instagram:

Not just anyone can be cremated. You have to urn it.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Sometimes I wish I had a speed bump between my brain and my mouth.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Just bought a new umbrella for the person that finds it tomorrow.

Just landed via X:

Matcha. Dubai chocolate. Jealousy. Green is back in a big way, and likely due to deforestation.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Sorry, I can’t tonight. I’m busy taking things personally.

Breaking via Telegram:

Most men don’t actually want to do things; they just want to talk about doing them.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Why did they have to bleep out everything R2D2 said?

Our house is so messy that if we ever disappeared, the police would have no idea if there were “signs of a struggle”.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about a hilariously messy house and the chaos it causes.

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Commentary:
"Living in our house is like playing the ultimate game of hide and seek – even the police would be stumped! 🕵️‍♂️🤪 #MessyLife"

disappearance, domestic, domestic life, ever, house, humor, idea, life, messy, messy house, police, signs, signs of struggle, struggle

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Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on WeChat this month:

I hate when people ask me what I meant by something. Listen, I have no idea. I’m as confused here as you are. We’re both learning what I’m about to say at the exact same time.

79 shares on WeChat this month:

Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer to the end you get, the faster it goes.

55 shares on Pinterest this month:

Have kids so you can say things you never thought you would like “please don’t vacuum your sister”

100 shares on Snapchat this month:

I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled “run for your life!” I’d be like “ya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today!”

55 shares on Slack this month:

Technically, all the money I have ever spent on food has been flushed down the toilet.

88 shares on X this month:

I lied. There’s no sex. Can you help me put this fitted sheet on my mattress?

10 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I love posting my thoughts on the internet. Now they’re your problem.

74 shares on X this month:

Maybe I died of Covid in 2020, and this is hell.

46 shares on Discord this month:

No thank you, I only like men who have no interest in me.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

Since there is only one of me, does that make me limited edition?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

The problem with self-checkout is that all the cashiers are idiots.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Does your life really flash before your eyes or is it just your brain closing all open tabs one last time.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Back to work at last! I couldn’t sleep for sheer anticipation.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Good news: I set an all time high today! Bad news: It’s my cholesterol.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

I tried explaining crypto to my nine-year-old, and she said, “It sounds like someone is trying to sell you their imaginary friend.”

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

I’m so lazy that I get jealous when it’s bedtime in other countries.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

One of the great joys in this life is looking at your pet’s weird little teeth.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Hi, where do you meet someone without dating apps and if you never leave your apartment? I need tips, please. Urgently!

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

The lion is actually pretty concerned right now.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I’m like… I went shopping.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I’m never wrong. Just different levels of right.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Showing my barber a picture of a dinosaur.

Going viral on Instagram:

Damn, I just realized that the future idealized version of myself can’t exist without current me being the catalyst for change and doing hard things.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Fun prank: make people study for many years, and then don’t give them jobs.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Have you ever just restarted the dryer because you didn’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

Shared recently on Facebook:

When fireworks were invented, it was ‘hisssss’ to ‘wheeeee’ in the making.

Trending via Pinterest:

This could have been an email. Me, while attending a wedding ceremony.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

The winter months remind me that it is crucial to find someone that you’re thermostatically compatible with.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

If I got possessed demonically, I wouldn’t even notice it. With everything else I’ve got going on.

Spotted on Pinterest:

The smaller the woman, the bigger the attitude. It’s science.

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Activity Log ✨

Our house is so messy that if we ever disappeared, the police would have no idea if there were “signs of a struggle”.

Drugs do not ruin your career. Drug tests do.

The longer you go without something, the more comfortable you become without it. That goes for people, too.

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and I’m like, cool, can one of you reach the top shelf for me.

My Mom asks why everything is on the floor, like she never heard of gravity.

That “so we done?” be saving the relationship every time.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Our house is so messy that if we ever disappeared, the police would have no idea if there were “signs of a struggle”.

Keep the laugh going 😂

A man messaged me on Insta and said, “You are not looking bad.” This might be the one, y’all.

Drugs do not ruin your career. Drug tests do.

The longer you go without something, the more comfortable you become without it. That goes for people, too.

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and I’m like, cool, can one of you reach the top shelf for me.

My Mom asks why everything is on the floor, like she never heard of gravity.

That “so we done?” be saving the relationship every time.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨