Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

If my trainee says “oh God” one more time, he’s going to meet him.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not so sure anymore.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Relationship so bad you start relating to Taylor Swift songs.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Men call us “gold diggers” when we expect them to pay for a meal. Honey, a gold digger goes after yachts, not a piece of chicken.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

No pre-workout, just flashbacks of stuff I let slide.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

I set up my Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, Mary, Joseph and all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Can I come over and overstay my welcome?

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

Have to connect the printer to my new laptop, and my goal is to cry no more than three times.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

At my age, I’m worried about tripping and falling, so I wear a helmet. I’m also worried about looking ridiculous, so I carry a skateboard.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,319

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

Do you ever think back about all the crazy stuff you did when you were younger, and wonder how you’re still alive?

Going viral on Facebook:

The only thing we need to bring back is duels.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

Going viral on Messenger:

Little kid on the plane to Boston says “do they speak English there?” and his mom says “kinda!”

Going viral on Twitch:

“You look nervous” Thanks, I’ve been practicing my whole life.

Spotted on X:

People who take two steps on the stairs are both active and lazy at the same time.

Just shared via Threads:

I put the mess in domestic.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I feel so bad when I overtake an old person on the sidewalk. Like, man, I really didn’t mean to flex on you with my youthful stride.

Seen just now on Slack:

Some people shop for designer heels. I shop for nonstop flight deals.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Halloween pumpkins look even scarier if you just use the ones from last year.

Outside letting mosquitoes get some of this.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Embrace your role as a walking buffet… mosquitoes gotta eat too! 🍽️🦟😅

activity, humor, insect, letting, mosquito, outdoor, outdoor activity, outside

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t fight my demons anymore. We collaborate.

0

2 months ago

collaboration, demons, fight, friendship, health, humor, i, irony, mental, mental health, self-awareness
I get at least 1,000 steps in waiting for my food to be done in the microwave.

0

2 months ago

done, exercise, food, humor, i, least, microwave, step, steps, waiting
I always imagined WWIII would be Earth vs. aliens.

0

2 months ago

alien, aliens, always, Earth, humor, i, imagination, vs, war, WWIII
“OMG I love your personality,” thanks, it’s a disorder.

0

5 months ago

compliment, disorder, humor, i, love, OMG, personality, sarcasm, thanks
I love how all the movies about teenagers have to be set in the 90s or earlier otherwise we’d just be watching kids on their phones for two hours.

0

2 months ago

90s, culture, earlier, entertainment, hours, humor, i, just, kids, love, movy, nostalgia, phones, set, technology, teenager, watching, youth
Mirror, mirror on the wall, why so many fingerprints?

0

2 months ago

cleanliness, fingerprints, humor, mirror, reflection, self-awareness, wall

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on Twitch this month:

I believe in you. I also believe in Bigfoot so don’t get too excited.

12 shares on Discord this month:

Can’t believe my neighbor rang my doorbell at 3 a.m. last night… Luckily, I was still up playing the drums.

76 shares on Slack this month:

I’m actually really fun once you get to know me (takes 3-4 years).

42 shares on Facebook this month:

A job interview is basically a conversation between two liars.

99 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s weird how horses can run so fast but still suck at every other sport.

48 shares on WeChat this month:

At least 80% of my day is spent holding back my inappropriate thoughts.

77 shares on X this month:

I’ve reached the conclusion that all men love thigh high stockings.

46 shares on YouTube this month:

Dear brain, please stop thinking so much exactly when it’s time to fall asleep.

34 shares on Slack this month:

I’m a credit card, cause I’m always being used or denied.

86 shares on Facebook this month:

Most of my exercise comes from getting up to let the cat in and out.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Confucius says: “Those who drink a lot die earlier, but have seen twice as much in life.”

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

I read somewhere that playing white noise helps you sleep better, but I didn’t find country music helpful at all.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

I hate how everything is organic now. I miss chemicals.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Avocado is just green butter.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

They say money can’t buy happiness, but could someone just give me a lot of it and let me see for myself?

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Yawning is the body’s way of telling you it has only 15% battery remaining.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

So basically, companies pay YouTube to show ads, and we pay YouTube to not show ads.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

I’m not really a “glass half full” kind of person. I’m more of a “Where’d I put my glass?” kind of person.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Schedule your bikini wax for the first thing in the morning, and you won’t need that cup of coffee.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

If pigeons could talk, they would bum a cigarette.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

Trying to explain that I’m fascinated by Japan for wood joinery reasons and not nerd or pervert reasons.

Just landed via Facebook:

The cost of living has gotten so high, I’m thinking about having a nap for dinner.

Going bananas on WeChat:

I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead.

Trending via Discord:

The divorce process is easier than breaking up with your hair stylist.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Do cats have a sense of causation between grooming themselves and coughing up hairballs, or do they think it’s just an annoying separate thing which just happens to them sometimes?

Seen just now on Threads:

iPhone: I’m gonna update your software tonight while you sleep. Next morning, iPhone: I couldn’t do it, bro. Just didn’t feel right. Vibe was off.

Just landed via Discord:

Stop asking me if I’m tired. Can’t I just be ugly?

Trending via Snapchat:

Every outdoor cat should be given a little cowboy hat and a gun.

Breaking via WeChat:

I feel sorry for dogs. They learnt to fetch newspapers, but newspapers are dying. Killed by an internet driven by cats.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I like to establish dominance by yawning the minute someone tries to make small talk with me.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Outside letting mosquitoes get some of this.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I don’t fight my demons anymore. We collaborate.

I get at least 1,000 steps in waiting for my food to be done in the microwave.

I always imagined WWIII would be Earth vs. aliens.

“OMG I love your personality,” thanks, it’s a disorder.

I love how all the movies about teenagers have to be set in the 90s or earlier otherwise we’d just be watching kids on their phones for two hours.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, why so many fingerprints?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨