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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

If I got possessed demonically, I wouldn’t even notice it. With everything else I’ve got going on.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

If you ever see me running, it’s either away from my problems or towards an ice cream van.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Super excited about a brand new year full of questionable life choices.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

I’m a little too self-aware to enjoy life, and a little too delusional to give up.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

People argue with me more in my head than they do in real life.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

One thing nobody gives pigeons enough credit for is their ability to get out of the way on the sidewalk. A lot of you could learn a thing or two from them.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

The walk of shame, except it’s me at a bowling alley walking back to sit down after I knock down zero pins with bumpers.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Is anyone else really scared for how stupid and illiterate the next generations are gonna be?

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not exhausted, that’s just your face now.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,245

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

I speak for everyone when I say that finding the balance between watching movies, watching TV shows, and playing video games is harder than any job.

Just shared via Slack:

Imagine marrying an old man for money and you die first.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Studies show people who like my posts are happier, smarter, and better looking than those who don’t.

Freshly posted on Slack:

The echo in my house when it’s clean is unsettling. Better order more stuff.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

My husband said I use a lot of makeup, so I showed him some makeup tutorials on TikTok and I don’t think he’ll be making that mistake again.

Just shared via Facebook:

Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this Thanksgiving party started.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

You are what you eat! (If anyone needed more encouragement to eat the rich.)

Making waves on YouTube:

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am at work.

Just landed via Facebook:

Armed robbers are so weird. Why are you beating me when I don’t have money?

Shared recently on Telegram:

Have you ever been in the car with someone who drives like we got extra lives?

People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Watch out, cat haters! 🐭🐾 Karma's got a special plan for you in the next life – hope you like cheese! 🧀😸"

back, cat, cats, hate, humor, life, mouse, next, next life, people, reincarnation

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My sleeping pattern isn’t even a pattern anymore. It’s a lifestyle.

0

2 months ago

habits, humor, insomnia, lifestyle, pattern, rest, sleep, sleep habits, sleeping
What no one tells you about having kids is that within a few years you’re in possession of a lot of teeth that you have no idea what to do with.

0

2 months ago

childhood, family, having, humor, idea, kids, lot, parenting, possession, surprise, teeth
Waiting patiently for something good to happen, like that goat in Jurassic Park.

0

2 months ago

animal, anticipation, culture, goat, good, happen, humor, jurassic, Jurassic Park, meme, park, patience, patiently, pop, pop culture, something, waiting
If you respond, “A reason for living,” when a store employee asks if they can help you find something, they will leave you alone.

0

2 months ago

alone, customer, customer service, employee, help, humor, interaction, joke, leave, living, prank, reason, respond, response, service, shopping, social, social interaction, something, store, store employee
Livin’ la vida vodka!

0

2 months ago

drink, fun, humor, lifestyle, party, vida, vodka
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!

0

2 months ago

comedy, distraction, humor, leave, mind, thought, wander

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on Twitch this month:

The Pope is the only employee who never gets to see his boss. Not even at the Christmas party.

87 shares on Threads this month:

My dream is to buy a horse and race it. The horse will probably beat me but it’ll still be fun.

12 shares on X this month:

Imagine you get to the gates of heaven and they make you download an app to go in.

68 shares on Messenger this month:

Don’t understand why electricians aren’t called power rangers, but okay.

90 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

93 shares on Instagram this month:

Y’all scared to be single, I’m scared to be in another pointless relationship.

25 shares on Threads this month:

The elderberry is the wisest and most knowledgeable of all the berries.

27 shares on Messenger this month:

January 1st: anything is possible. January 2nd: but not today.

34 shares on YouTube this month:

People just don’t stop, collaborate, and listen like they used to.

26 shares on Telegram this month:

It turns out when someone asks who your favorite child is, you’re supposed to choose from your own. I know that now.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

If you’re doing Dry January, please, please, keep it to yourself. Nobody cares, and you’re probably even more boring without alcohol.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Cats must think we’re so weird for constantly harvesting their poop.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Super excited about a brand new week of faking it.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Donuts have holes in them, just like acoustic guitars, but that’s pretty much where the similarities end.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

I still get so surprised every time someone I find attractive finds me attractive. Like, are you sure?

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

I bet this email finds you silently screaming on the inside.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

I’m so sick of these little 30-minute weekends.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

Person: gives compliment. Me: let me give you a brief synopsis of why you are sorely mistaken.

Trending via Messenger:

Let’s all be grateful for a moment that stupidity is not contagious.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I wish I could turn everyone I love into a trinket, so I can keep them forever, because I am greedy and selfish.

Broadcasted on Discord:

You can’t spell dyslexia without sexy.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

For this Halloween I’ve trained my eyebrows to leap off my face and destroy those who’ve angered me.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I can’t explain how it works, but one day, you just wake up and like sauerkraut.

Just landed via TikTok:

All my passwords are protected, by my poor memory.

Going viral on Threads:

Clearly, hell is empty, the demons are all here.

Breaking via WeChat:

If I had a wife, I’d text her things like, ‘What’s your full name?’ and ‘When’s your birthday?’

Shared recently on WeChat:

All the stops on the bus are pointless, except the one I’m getting off at.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

My sleeping pattern isn’t even a pattern anymore. It’s a lifestyle.

What no one tells you about having kids is that within a few years you’re in possession of a lot of teeth that you have no idea what to do with.

Waiting patiently for something good to happen, like that goat in Jurassic Park.

If you respond, “A reason for living,” when a store employee asks if they can help you find something, they will leave you alone.

Livin’ la vida vodka!

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨