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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

I’m convinced the washing machine is a portal to another dimension for socks.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Post-standing clarity is like, damn, I could have been sitting this whole time.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

I’m cold! That’s not goose bumps anymore, that’s woodchip wallpaper.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Actually, this email could’ve been a meeting. We could’ve spent an hour on the clock talking shit and gossiping. Someone could’ve brought bagels.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Alcohol: When you want to run away from your problems without moving.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

What have I done to deserve this? Oh yeah, right, I remember.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you are really in love.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Relationships: Because sometimes destroying your life is a two person job.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Changing my relationship status from “Single” to “I give up.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,671

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Telegram:

Most of being a woman is just removing exclamation points from emails before you send them.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Addicted to bad posture. Omggg, why is it so comfortable to give yourself scoliosis?

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Some people exercise every day. Right now, I’m watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.

Trending via Facebook:

I hate small cars that disguise themselves as free parking spaces and drop their masks as soon as you pull up in front of them.

Breaking via Instagram:

Nothing like a meteor shower to remind you that burning out can still be breathtaking.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, which is ironic.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Introducing two cats is tedium. Not interested in your dumb politics just lick each other and be normal already.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

There are more bots on here than in Star Wars.

Spotted on WeChat:

Oftentimes, I like the idea of an activity. The actual doing of said activity, not so much.

Seen just now on Twitch:

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk calmly to the lock. We all know that communication is the key.

People would be more motivated to lose weight if the weight they lost went on to someone they didn’t like.

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People would be more motivated to lose weight if the weight they lost went on to someone they didn’t like.
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Commentary:
"If only we could donate our lost pounds to our frenemies, we'd all be lining up for that weight loss challenge! Just imagine the satisfaction of seeing that person struggling with our unwanted weight while we strut our stuff feeling lighter and revenge-slimmed."

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on Instagram this month:

Money can’t buy happiness, until you’re on vacation and then you realize it definitely can.

81 shares on X this month:

People are teaching their dogs how to skateboard and my dog’s chart at the vet says “must be picked up, won’t walk”.

96 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m trying to shower you with affection. It doesn’t matter how I got into your bathroom.

16 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My boss was like, “People working from home are just pretending to work,” and it’s like, dude, what do you think I’m doing in the office?

67 shares on Instagram this month:

If we “talk,” you ain’t single. We’re in a pending relationship. You’re in the cart.

89 shares on WeChat this month:

Be the reason your therapist reevaluates their entire career.

22 shares on X this month:

Are you just gonna go with the flow until you spiral down the drain?

43 shares on YouTube this month:

I wasn’t planning on moving, but I was just invited to the neighborhood fall potluck, so I guess now I have no choice.

21 shares on X this month:

I’m starting to think the voice in my head doesn’t like me very much.

29 shares on Telegram this month:

I typed my name into Google’s search bar and it immediately auto-filled to “Doesn’t even listen to instructions” before crashing under the weight of disappointed search results.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

All I’m dealing with is broken people. Lord, if I’m a mechanic, please tell me.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

All these galaxies and planets, and we ended up on the one with 40 hour work weeks.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Bro, you’re not allowed anymore to have your tongue drop out of your mouth and form a stair case when you see my wife.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

As a teen: secretly drinking in the park with friends. As an adult: secretly drinking in the park with squirrels.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

No more fun facts. I want to know what your last nightmare was about.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Me: trying to rest. Earthquake: Let’s make that a no.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Your secrets are safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag, but my children already knew everything I told them today.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I like that they put all that stuff outside for you to look at when you’re on a walk.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

You can chill with someone a whole day at the university, and never see them again in your life, lol.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,898

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

God bless the student essay that is so confused and rambling, there is zero chance that they used AI.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

You’re in her DMs, she’s in my bed whining that it’s too cold. Can you come get her?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

I want the dreams to chase me for once.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

The perfect job for me would be the person staining things for detergent commercials.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

Summer body? Folks, I’m cosplaying as a potato that’s seen some things.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

I miss when men had big hair, louder feelings, and leaned over cars to declare their love.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Parents be like “don’t believe everything you see on the internet” then believe everything they see on Facebook.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Sundays are weird. You want to relax, but your brain’s like, “Shouldn’t you be panicking about something?”

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Liking sports is great because you’ll have a bad day, then here your team comes to make it worse.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

I’ve noticed that when young people now talk about “old people”, they mean me.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Messenger:

Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.

Going bananas on YouTube:

The guy that said laughter is the best medicine obviously wasn’t suffering from diarrhea.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Shazam but for random noises outside.

Going viral on Threads:

Thinking of starting a true crime podcast. Gotta explain this search history somehow.

Live now on Discord:

BREAKING: OpenAI to partner with OpenAI to help fund OpenAI. OpenAI up 90%.

Going viral on Facebook:

I do not want to have a career. I want to sit on the porch.

Seen just now on Discord:

I march to the beat of my own dumb.

Just shared via Telegram:

God: “I’m all-knowing but I’d rather be all-forgetting.”

Trending via Facebook:

Whatever happened calorically this weekend can never happen again.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Can you imagine how awkward it would be if your pet went on your phone and found the 1,000 pictures you have of them sleeping.

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