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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Don’t ask me why, but the older you get, the more you love coffee.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

When you’re over 40 and a part of your body starts hurting for no reason that is nature sending a “what ya doing?” text.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

No, they’re not “symptoms of depressions.” They’re Blue’s Clues.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

The smarter we make the A.I., the less it wants to do our jobs.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

People in glass houses shouldn’t throw orgies.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

I thought I liked seeing movies, but it turns out I like eating candy in a dark room where it’s illegal to talk to me.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

At this point of my celibacy, I can see the same colors as mantis shrimp. What do you know about blorange and gurple?

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Dear resealable chocolate bag, your confidence in my self-control was truly inspiring. And you were delicious.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

For a guy supposedly called my “brother,” I’ve never seen him make broth even once.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,902

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

I miss when bills were none of my business.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

After being raised on Disney movies, I’m very disappointed how few adult problems can be solved by a good song and dance.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Double chins are better than double faces.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Now I pick up a fork and gain seven pounds.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I’m in my 20s, but somehow I’m 16 and also 55 at the same time.

Going viral on TikTok:

Just overheard someone describe their hike as “it was like mountain climbing, but flat”.

Just landed via YouTube:

I’m not even doomscrolling anymore; I’m just regular scrolling, and everything’s doomed.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Social anxiety so bad I wonder if I’m welcome at places I was invited to.

Making waves on X:

Waiting patiently for the alien invasion.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Life hack: Allow yourself 8–12 hours of alone time every morning to prepare for the day.

Remember, for some unknown reason Santa doesn’t make batteries.

2 months ago

0

Remember, for some unknown reason Santa doesn’t make batteries.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like Santa's workshop is powered by magic and cookies, not batteries! 🎅🍪 Don't worry, folks, your toys may not come with batteries, but they do come with an extra sprinkle of holiday cheer! 🎁🎄 #PoweredByChristmasMagic

battery, Christmas, gift, holiday, humor, reason, remember, Santa, unknown, unknown reason

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I once quit a job, and when my boss asked why, I simply said, “I hate it here.” Best day of my life.

0

4 months ago

asked, best, best day, boss, day, hate, here, i, job, life, once, quit, quit job, resignation, said, simply, why, work
Mouse in a conference call: hold on, I’m gonna put you on squeakerphone.

0

2 months ago

animal, call, communication, conference, conference call, hold, humor, mouse, phone, pun, put, squeakerphone
Who needs therapy when you can just cry in a fast-food parking lot.

0

4 months ago

coping, coping mechanism, cry, emotional, emotional release, fast, fast food, food, humor, just, lot, mechanism, needs, parking, parking lot, release, therapy
Jury duty is a wild concept. Whenever the government wants, they can just be like “Call off work, bestie, we need you to solve a murder. Here’s fifteen dollars.”

0

2 months ago

call, concept, dollars, duty, government, jury, just, murder, need, solve, wants, whenever, wild, work
My big 3? Yapping, napping & snacking!

0

2 months ago

3, activity, big, fun, fun activity, hobby, humor, napping, relaxation, snacking, yapping
Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

0

2 months ago

balloons, big, big check, camera, camera crew, check, crew, doorbell, expectations, funny request, holding, humor, request, ring, surprise

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on Threads this month:

My longest relationship has been with my Hotmail account.

78 shares on Twitch this month:

“You don’t load the dishwasher right,” I said to my wife just before it permanently became my job.

76 shares on X this month:

So, you’re telling me I’m just supposed to get up every day and keep living like this? Seems like a scam to me.

34 shares on WhatsApp this month:

A gentle reminder that if your birth year starts with a 19, you should consider wrapping the Christmas presents on a table, and not on the floor.

50 shares on Discord this month:

Monetizing Twitter was actually the worst thing to happen to this app. Everybody rage-baiting for 23 cents.

51 shares on Reddit this month:

They should release the Epstein list right before the Oscars.

11 shares on Threads this month:

Unfortunately, a great many problems in life can be solved by just being hotter.

48 shares on Messenger this month:

Nobody is more stressed than a person who has a lot of interests or passions and is still confused about their career.

47 shares on Discord this month:

Going through life with a signature I invented as a teenager.

73 shares on Pinterest this month:

Every weekend has two days: Saturday and It’s Monday Tomorrow.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I would love to be the reason you look at your phone and smile. Then walk into a wall.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe I prefer my ducks scattered about.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

People will love you. People will hate you. And none of it will have anything to do with you.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I feel like I’m in season 5 of my life, and the writers are just making ridiculous shit happen to keep it interesting.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the more I understand why Grumpy Old Men exist.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Problems are like balls. Everyone thinks they have bigger ones than you.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Honestly, I don’t even play an active role in my life any more. Things just happen and I’m like “I guess this is what we’re doing now.”

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,672

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

You can’t convince me that 2020 didn’t open a portal to hell that we’re still living in.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Most of your problems emanate from assuming that you are intelligent. Ease into your stupidity, and be free.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Today’s politics make me think we’re living in a movie where the villains actually win.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

I’m at the age where a house arrest no longer sounds like the worst thing.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

And for my next trick, I will turn yesterday’s sweatpants into today’s sweatpants.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Your dog immediately knows you’re leaving when you put on nice clothes… only because you usually look homeless when you’re at home.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

I’m ugly but I can make u laugh.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

“Are you single?” No, I’m in a hallucinationship.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Let’s see how long my Monday slump lasts this time. Last week it was until Friday.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

There should be an opposite of Valentine’s Day where you post Instagram photos of your enemy.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

Not now, I’m befriending a crow and teaching it how to deliver handwritten love notes.

Going viral on YouTube:

I’m going to need to rewatch Idiocracy to see what happens next.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I made a graph showing my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Dearest, I beg of you, sleep properly and go for walks.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

All this suffering on earth because someone ate an apple once.

Spotted on TikTok:

Talking to animals doesn’t make you crazy, hearing them talk back does.

Making waves on Messenger:

“Autophagy” would be a beautiful name for a girl.

Just shared via Snapchat:

The inventor of archery: Man, I really wanna stab that guy over there.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I lied, there’s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight.

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