Santa Claus isn’t real. Ain’t no man checking a list twice.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Can you check if my lips taste like cherries?

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Sharpening a pencil at the bin was the childhood equivalent of taking a cigarette break.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

If my wife and I got divorced and moved to separate states, I’m convinced I would still hear her chewing.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Unfortunately, the movie you want to watch is unavailable on your 13 streaming services. You can rent it for $2.99 though.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

I love the idea of a fruitarian, just morally affronted that anyone could eat a baby spinach.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Whoever coined, “No good deed goes unpunished”, must have fed some seagulls.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

I often choose gift bags instead of wrapping, not just out of laziness, but also because I have the fine motor skills of a drunken panda.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

I’m 45% coffee, 40% wine and 6% cheese.