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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

I feel bad for those that don’t enjoy their own company. I be having a ball by myself.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Nudes are outdated. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

It’s never too early to be sad about having to work the next day.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Staring sadly at the empty ice cream bowl that’s too small for licking.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

I’ve been in a bad mood since like 2010.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Calm yourself, Lucifer. You did the right thing coming to me for advice.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

I hate when I turn my car on in the morning and the music starts blasting, and I am like, “Whoooah, big fella, I’m not the same person I was last night.”

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

I keep all my valuables near the front door so if burglars breaks in during the night they will not wake me up.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

If you have an old house, but you haven’t got a ghost, you should complain to the estate agent.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Called in, “Hey, macarena!” this morning.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,709

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

The problem with self-checkout is that all the cashiers are idiots.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

My dream car is a taco truck.

Just landed via Telegram:

Isn’t your email address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com?

Broadcasted on Instagram:

No, you tell me what YOU were doing during that gap in my resume.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Friday the 13th doesn’t even feel creepy cause bad things happen everyday now.

Spotted on Threads:

Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?

Breaking via YouTube:

Thanksgiving is just me trying to look cute while holding a fork like a medieval warrior.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

At a job interview: think of me as the rightful heir to the throne.

Spotted on Instagram:

Spongebob wouldn’t even mess with some of y’all. But he’d hang out with me because my heart is pure, and I like to laugh a lot.

Going viral on WeChat:

I need money, not feelings.

Some woman is out there right now, pregnant with Leonardo DiCaprio’s next girlfriend.

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Some woman is out there right now, pregnant with Leonardo DiCaprio’s next girlfriend.
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Commentary:
Wow, I guess someone's expecting a Titanic love story in about 25 years! 🚢😂👶

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on X this month:

It’s weird when you realize that what you thought was rock bottom was actually somewhere around rock middle.

47 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Most people have 32 teeth. Some have 10. Simple meth.

74 shares on Threads this month:

My ducks: in a row. My elephant: addressed. My eggs: several baskets. My bigger fish: fried.

37 shares on YouTube this month:

I lied. There’s no sex. Can you help me put this fitted sheet on my mattress?

41 shares on Snapchat this month:

I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don’t think being an adult is going to work for me.

70 shares on Threads this month:

D was probably like “lmao ok” when they named the alphabet the ABCs

41 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Literally no one understands something more completely than a woman in a meeting who starts a question with “Just so I understand …”

41 shares on YouTube this month:

The smaller the woman, the bigger the attitude. It’s science.

78 shares on Threads this month:

I, unfortunately, was born without any interest in Avatar.

70 shares on Facebook this month:

Life hack: If you never leave the house you don’t have to worry about running into someone you don’t want to talk to.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Washing my hands in the sink and then wiping them on my cat, like a towel.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The best way for me to stick to my diet is to go straight back to sleep after breakfast.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss the days when our biggest argument was whether West Coast or East Coast rap was better.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Gotta find someone you’re thermostatically compatible with. You can’t be a 74 dating a 62.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

You say “multitask” like it’s a good thing.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Babe, wanna come over and watch me apply for jobs on Indeed until I start to cry.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

You ever killed your own vibe by remembering?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

You can eat cheesecake for breakfast if you want to. No one can stop you. The police can’t even stop you.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Establish dominance over your children by whining louder.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,239

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Aliens are gonna be super confused when they show up threatening to overthrow our leaders and we’re all stoked and offer to help.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

The concept of hot water showers feeling so good but not actually being good for your hair or skin is disgusting.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Hey girl, are you an extraterrestrial? ’Cause your husband’s out here acting like you don’t exist.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

My bank assures me my money is safe with them, yet they keep their pens chained to desks and most of them are missing.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

I have thought one billion times about everything.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Someone said I should think before I speak and I said “eww what a horrible way to live”

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Kids be like: “Nice bathroom mirror. It would be a shame if I spat toothpaste all over it.”

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

I am dressing for the job I want. I want to be a sweatpants model.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

My toxic trait is thinking I can nap, then waking up 3 hours later in a parallel universe where I missed everything.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Hiring a mortician to do my makeup while I sleep.

Live now on X:

“I have an AI boyfriend.” No, you don’t. It’s Adam and Eve or Adam and Steve, not Adam and USB.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Mondays have a black belt in psychological warfare.

Spreading quickly via X:

I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Old people be like, “No elbows on the table, it’s rude,” then say something racist.

Just landed via X:

That awkward moment when someone keeps watching you while you are eating.

Trending via Snapchat:

I’m never really sure what to do with my hands when I go jogging, so I don’t go jogging.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Kinda lame that pretending everything is fine isn’t working.

Going viral on X:

The Bible is 100% accurate when thrown at close range.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

A haunted house, but every room is just learning more about Will & Jada.

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