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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Not gonna lie, toddlers absolutely nailed it with naps, buttered noodles, and rejecting authority.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Adults should get spring break from their jobs.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Babe, wanna come over and watch me apply for jobs on Indeed until I start to cry.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Vegan zombies be like: GRAINS!

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Eating the rest of the donuts will keep me from eating donuts tomorrow. My logic is flawless.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

I would love to have children one day. Two days maximum.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

They should name a personality disorder after me.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

It’s crazy people waste their time with hobbies and family when there are strangers on the internet who need to be argued with.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

“Stop talking about old drama!” God forbid a girl and her bestie enjoy their history lessons.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,366

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

Just landed via YouTube:

Shoutout to the friends that still like me. All two of you.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

My brain has too many tabs open and one of them is playing music I can’t find.

Breaking via YouTube:

I can’t wait to get married so I can bring home unnecessary stuff and get yelled at for it.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

“Real Housewives” is a great oxymoron because nothing about them is real.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Since there is only one of me, does that make me limited edition?

Just shared via WeChat:

I saw someone wearing a shirt today that said “Eat Pasta Run Fasta,” and I can’t get it out of my head.

Going viral on Instagram:

Coffee doesn’t even make me feel energized, I just drink it for the love of the game.

Just landed via Threads:

Why can’t men admit when they doze off? What’s wrong with them?

Going viral on X:

Summer: 10 minutes outside, 10 hours in front of the AC.

Sometimes I wonder what happened to the people who asked me for directions.

2 weeks ago

Funny quote about missing people who once asked for directions, playful and witty.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Oh, the lost souls who sought my guidance… are they still journeying through life in circles? 🤔🚶‍♂️ May they have found their way by now, or are they still in the eternal maze of confusion? 😄🗺️ Remember: when in doubt, just follow the nearest confused person – they might just lead you to your destination! 🤪🧭"

confusion, directions, humor, i, irony, lost, me, people, travel, wonder

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Day number 3 without coffee: Lost hearing in my left eye.

2 weeks ago

addiction, coffee, day, eye, hearing, humor, left, lost, number, withdrawal
God gives the most irritable bowels to the most beautiful angels.

2 days ago

angel, beautiful, beauty, bowel, bowels, digestion, God, health, humor, irritable, irritable bowel, most
It actually is crazy how many people I know would benefit from being visited by three ghosts.

2 days ago

actually, being, benefit, crazy, ghost, ghosts, humor, i, joke, know, people, spooky, three, visit
I have consumed so much potato salad the last couple of days, I’m sweating mayo.

2 weeks ago

consumption, couple, days, dish, food, humor, i, last, mayo, much, potato, potato salad, salad, side, side dish, summer, sweating
Anyone else think it’s weird how cancer kills more people than any other astrological sign.

2 weeks ago

astrological, astrological sign, cancer, death, else, health, humor, irony, people, sign, think, weird, zodiac
There’s no way the Scooby Doo gang never found a dead body.

1 week ago

body, cartoon, comedy, dead, dead body, doo, found, gang, humor, investigation, mystery, never, scooby, Scooby Doo

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on Twitch this month:

My step counter doesn’t judge. For him, steps to the fridge are just as valuable as a walk.

39 shares on TikTok this month:

Offering someone food, and secretly hoping, they don’t want it.

34 shares on Telegram this month:

I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.

18 shares on Instagram this month:

You looked so beautiful and combative as we were detained for questioning.

63 shares on X this month:

“Damn, you’re tight!” I whisper as I look at my monthly budget.

36 shares on Facebook this month:

Children will see a neatly hanging dish towel and be like oh hell no.

89 shares on Reddit this month:

My age no longer permits me to suffer for love, so if you see me sad, it’s due to lack of money.

83 shares on WeChat this month:

My mother still has some really ugly things from the 90s. My older brother, for example.

26 shares on TikTok this month:

At 30+, I’m like an old phone battery. Even when you charge me overnight for 10 hours, by midday I’m at 60%.

19 shares on Instagram this month:

Made my last mortgage payment. Yay! I still owe a lot, I’m just not paying anymore.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, Eat cake.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Why would I want a memory pillow? Sleep is where I go to forget.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Working as a 911 operator but hanging up when someone starts screaming because I’m an empath, and it overwhelms me.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

This economy requires two hustlers working together – not a hustler and a leech. It’s too expensive to be out here carrying dead weight.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Packed all my meds into one bottle for a trip and accidentally invented the best trail mix.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Home is where the Wi-Fi connects automatically and no one chews loud.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up? I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Science has enough bodies, I’m donating mine to English lit just to spice things up a bit.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Almost all of my bad decisions are food-related.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,607

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

The day after Christmas is a dangerous morning to be a microwave.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

I should have peed before I left, and other things I’ll never learn: A memoir

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

At what point in not being able to sleep do I throw the towel in and have a beer, since maybe that will help?

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

If you want your kid to play with their toy just give it to your other kid. Follow me for more parenting hacks.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

I love it when my dog suddenly gets up and goes to another part of the house. Did you just remember you left the stove on or something?

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

You better pray to whatever god you serve that this email finds you before I do.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

My toxic trait is treating my glasses like they’re not the most expensive thing I wear everyday.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

I only accept apologies in cash.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

They should make a biopic of just some random guy.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Grocery carts should have barcode scanners on them so you can see how much you’re spending as you put things in your cart.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

When phones were tied with wires, people were free. Now that phones are wireless, people are tied.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

To get my cat to eat, I tell him about all the hungry cats in Catfrica.

Making waves on Telegram:

Maybe your baby is crying because it doesn’t like you.

Spotted on Messenger:

The only thing you can count on with some people is that you can’t count on them.

Just landed via Telegram:

Naming my first daughter Piggleigh Wiggleigh.

Spotted on YouTube:

Who needs an alarm clock when you have a bladder.

Trending via Pinterest:

The Christmas tree I’ve had up all year makes a lot more sense now.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Never signed up for a 401k cause there’s no way in hell I can run that far.

Trending via Messenger:

I hope my parents feel proud. They scared me so bad about getting pregnant as a teenager that now they’re never getting grandkids.

Just landed via Telegram:

Working my first office job. Is it normal to have nothing to do?

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