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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Eight times a day, I ask myself which object in the office will hurt me enough so that I can go home, but at the same time won’t hurt too much.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

I don’t argue with my kids anymore. I just vacuum every surface of the living room while they’re trying to watch TV.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

If you get drunk and message your ex, don’t worry. When you wake up, send bitcoin ads and pretend you were hacked.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Stop bringing shitty Bluetooth speakers on hikes. No one came to the woods to hear you listen to Katy Perry.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Getting into male-dominated fields like falling asleep on the couch.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

There is a special place reserved in hell for website designers who disable cut and paste in password fields.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

The sound of a buzzing fly is enough to ruin my whole mood.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

A Southerner dies every time you people type “ya’ll” instead of “y’all,” btw.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Nobody is meaner to me than me. So take your shot.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

I set up my Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, Mary, Joseph and all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,339

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

I’m always best at the things I shouldn’t do.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

December. A desperate celebration of an end.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Now that I’m in my mid-forties, I think I’ll take up parkour.

Just shared via X:

The web is the only place where you encourage strangers to follow you. What could possibly go wrong?

Just shared via X:

I’m convinced that if Earth explodes, all the cats will land safely on the moon, on their feet.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Bought some coconut shampoo, but when I got home, I realised I didn’t have a coconut.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Building a snowman so I can punch it in the face.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

My soulmate is chocolate cake.

Trending via Threads:

Going to bed early is easy, going to sleep early is a whole other set of problems.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Sometimes after sex, I wonder what it would be like to have sex as a couple.

Sometimes the best thing about my job is that my chair turns.

2 weeks ago

Playful quote highlighting workplace humor about the simple joy of a swiveling chair.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the simple joys of office life! 🪑😄 Whoever said innovation must be grand clearly never experienced the transformative wonders of a swivel chair. Just remember to schedule regular Spin-In-Your-Chair-And-Contemplate-Life breaks. Who knew productivity could be so… twisty? 🌀 #ChairGoals #TurningTales

best, chair, humor, job, perspective, thing, work, workplace

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74 shares on Snapchat this month:

Driving a newer car is like “Oh weird, this one doesn’t have Shake on Highway, maybe they stopped making that feature”.

91 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Adulting is when you realize that all you need is a home, stable income and a peaceful partner.

17 shares on Snapchat this month:

I really wish people would stop thinking they need to speak to me in the mornings.

69 shares on TikTok this month:

The cost of living has gotten so high, I’m thinking about having a nap for dinner.

82 shares on Messenger this month:

I hate to slut-shame, but a lot of you are not slutty enough.

53 shares on Instagram this month:

People in their late 20s and early 30s are like “this is my emotional support trip to Japan.”

97 shares on Facebook this month:

I will selflessly protect my family from a life of diabetes by eating all the sweets myself.

92 shares on Snapchat this month:

Why would I take the high road when I could take the psychopath?

84 shares on Twitch this month:

Life is like a penis. Sometimes it’s up, sometimes it’s down. But it’s never hard forever.

23 shares on Threads this month:

I’m so glad I cleaned the house so the kids have a clean canvas to drop their stuff everywhere.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Experts say you can make any statement sound more credible by adding ‘experts say’ at the beginning.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not crazy, I’m just mentally spicy.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Adding geologist to my resume after hitting rock bottom.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t understand how I can remember every word of a song from 1984, but I can’t remember why I walked into the kitchen.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I speak my mind, cause it hurts when I bite my tongue.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is it that your clothes only get caught on the door handle when you’re in a bad mood?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Life is just a sequence of missed opportunities.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Many people mistake me for an adult because of my age.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I just tried to poach an egg and I now understand why Eggs Benedict is $23

15 folks are currently checking 👀

It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s only Wednesday.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,299

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

If you’re alone on Thanksgiving, venmo me $25 and I’ll call and ask you when are you gonna get a “real” job and give me grandchildren.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

I think, therefore I am. I am, therefore I think. Therefore I am. I think.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Should be able to shazam the inner yearnings of my heart.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

Sorry, I’m late. My alarm didn’t go off because I didn’t set it, because I don’t want to be here.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Never feel bad when people roll their eyes while you talk to them. They’re just looking for their brain.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Some Uber rides in NYC are the same price as a JetBlue flight to Miami.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Answering your cell when you don’t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Canadian Thanksgiving isn’t the same day as Thanksgiving in the US because Canadians already put gravy on everything every day.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Oh really? We’ll see what the same six people who always agree with me think about that.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Bisexual just means that I wear perfume with my men’s deodorant.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I’m glad laughter is the best medicine because my insurance sucks.

Shared recently on Discord:

Sisters are so important. How else would my mom find out all the stuff I didn’t want her to know.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I shall have another coffee, for I am sleeping standing.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Discord is only good for calling friends on the computer. Please do not waste your time getting caught up in random servers.

Shared recently on Slack:

“Just be yourself”—that has gotten me mixed results in the past.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself, “Wow, this changes everything.”

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Julia Garner most confusing name because it calls to mind both Julia Roberts and Jennifer Garner, but she is neither.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Performative male is kinda just a rebrand of metrosexual, which is just a way to say a straight guy is a little bit faggy.

Just shared via Instagram:

Is it too late to reset my life back to factory settings?

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