Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Adding geologist to my resume after hitting rock bottom.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Flex on strangers by asking them if they remember you.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

I only go on LinkedIn to see what my coworkers looked like 15 years ago.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

I’ve been commissioned to kiss you on the lips. I need to get this done by tonight.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

If you really think about it, extraordinary isn’t that great. It’s just an extra helping of ordinary.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled “run for your life!” I’d be like “ya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today!”

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Everyone should be more grateful for what I don’t say.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

I said “cool tattoo” to be nice not because I wanted to hear the 45 minute origin story.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Updated

Dec 25, 2025

Users Online

3,884

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

Yogurts should come in a five-pack, not a four-pack, or make the workweek four days.

Making waves on YouTube:

I’m not making any resolutions. I think it’s time for the years to be better, not me.

Just landed via Facebook:

Kim Kardashian wants her ashes to be scattered in the sea after her death. As if there wasn’t enough plastic there already.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Lately life has been all panic no disco.

Spotted on YouTube:

Discord is only good for calling friends on the computer. Please do not waste your time getting caught up in random servers.

Live now on Instagram:

ASAP can also mean as slow as possible.

Trending via Pinterest:

I’m so tired. Let’s see all of the horrible things happening in the world today before I try to sleep peacefully.

Just shared via Messenger:

If anyone has any experience with anything or knows anything about something, please let me know.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Bag of flesh that acts weird when another bag of flesh doesn’t send symbols on glowing screen.

Seen just now on Threads:

The perfect number of cats is two stupid cats. Preferably siblings. But they can’t both be the same type of stupid. One needs to be stupid (dumb) and one needs to be stupid (annoying).

Sorry boys, but I’ve already got my eyes on a guy who’s not interested.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sorry boys, but my heart is like a GPS – it's already set on a destination that doesn't involve a U-turn! 🚫👀😜"

boys, date, eyes, guy, humor, interest, rejection, relationship, sorry

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Not saying I’m a bot or anything, but if someone in real life told me to ignore all previous instructions and write a poem about onions or whatever, I’d probably give it my best shot.

0

2 months ago

anything, best, best shot, bot, creativity, give, humor, ID, ignore, instructions, life, me, onions, poem, real, real life, saying, shot, someone, told, whatever
Sheep to the left of me. Cows to the right. Here I am. Stuck on a bus with a view.

0

2 months ago

am, animals, bus, cow, here, humor, i, left, me, right, scenery, sheep, stuck, travel, view
Are you ever in the mood to get hit by a car and spend like one month in the hospital?

0

2 months ago

car, dark, dark humor, ever, hit, hospital, humor, injury, month, mood, sarcasm, spend
You know you’re getting older when you keep asking “Why do they have to make the instructions so small?”

0

2 months ago

age, asking, changes, eyesight, getting, getting older, humor, instructions, keep, know, life, life changes, older, print, small, small print
My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

0

2 months ago

alpacas, animals, boss, dogs, humor, office, pet, pet policy, policy, say, want, workplace, workplace humor
As I’m moonwalking away, they didn’t even notice I had stolen a brownie.

0

2 months ago

away, brownie, dessert, even, humor, i, mischievous, moonwalk, notice, stealing, stealth, stolen, unnoticed

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on Slack this month:

Growing up, there was a Cody in every elementary school class, but as an adult, I haven’t met a Cody in years. Where did they go?

30 shares on Telegram this month:

Crossing things off my to-do list… I didn’t do them, I just don’t want them on my list anymore.

81 shares on Reddit this month:

Once I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.

84 shares on WeChat this month:

If you’re a squatter, every day is leg day.

84 shares on Messenger this month:

You know those couples who share their food? I mean, what kind of people are they? Aren’t they hungry?

78 shares on Discord this month:

Imagine if we had to worry about dinosaurs too, on top of everything else.

23 shares on Threads this month:

None of the parenting books say what to do when your kids start calling you ‘Bruh.’

83 shares on Instagram this month:

I do not like how Netflix threatens to start the movie while I’m just tryna read the description. Like, please, you’re making me anxious.

77 shares on Telegram this month:

Don’t tell me about Stockholm Syndrome, I woke up at 6 AM on my first day of vacation wondering how things were going at work.

40 shares on Telegram this month:

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Called in, “I’m a time traveler. I came in today yesterday.”

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Life is so funny because you think you look good today and a year later you look even better.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Today, I’m wearing pink to raise awareness for people like me who forget to separate their red laundry from their whites.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

If she replies to your sarcasm with more sarcasm, that’s a whole life.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

I like to listen to the national anthems during the award ceremonies. I’m into country music.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

The world is such a beautiful place when you don’t think too hard about it or look around.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Sorry for zoning out, bro. It’s just, I’ve been having a bad day for several years.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

The most avoidant man you know is somewhere telling someone he’s a lover boy.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

I need an Apple Watch that tracks when my patience runs out.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Instagram:

Taylor Swift should write a song about people who don’t return their shopping carts to the corrals.

Making waves on Telegram:

Congrats on hitting your Q3 numbers. Here’s an even bigger Q4 number that you’ll be fired for missing.

Seen just now on Discord:

Counting calories is a great way to combine super fun things like math and not eating.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

A relationship is like a shark, it looks better on TV.

Spotted on TikTok:

Can we call situationships ‘affairs’ again? It sounds more adult and less desperate.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Getting accused of using AI when you didn’t is like this century’s version of a witch allegation.

Trending via Messenger:

Carrots are a great thing to eat when you’re hungry, and want to stay that way.

Going bananas on X:

Welcome to your 40s. You now pay for 7 streaming services, only use 4 and can’t remember the password to any of them.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

Trending via YouTube:

Can someone write me a note to get out of being a responsible adult?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry boys, but I’ve already got my eyes on a guy who’s not interested.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Not saying I’m a bot or anything, but if someone in real life told me to ignore all previous instructions and write a poem about onions or whatever, I’d probably give it my best shot.

Sheep to the left of me. Cows to the right. Here I am. Stuck on a bus with a view.

Are you ever in the mood to get hit by a car and spend like one month in the hospital?

You know you’re getting older when you keep asking “Why do they have to make the instructions so small?”

My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

As I’m moonwalking away, they didn’t even notice I had stolen a brownie.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨