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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past two years.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

My life is ruined. I wish to live no more. Never mind, I found the remote.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Can we all agree that Mini Cooper drivers need to put an extended flag on the back of their cars so the stalls where they’re parked stop looking empty?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Don’t listen to them, little password. You are strong.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Please don’t send me mixed signals, I don’t even understand the clear ones.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

I can’t sleep good when I know the food is feeling cold in the fridge.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

Love those deep burps that instantly make me feel like I lost 10 lbs.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

I made you something special for Mother’s Day, my kid threatened.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Extroverts love our energy. That’s why they suck it out of us.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,311

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

She was unique, like a millennial that could drive a stick shift.

Making waves on Facebook:

I wish I was as tired in bed at night as I am after lunch at work.

Just shared via Instagram:

The difference between a hippo and a zippo is that one is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. Thank you and good night.

Seen just now on Slack:

First World War. Kind of nervous.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Each day on Twitter, there is one main character. The goal is to never be it.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I have determined there is no quiet way to get a pan out of a cabinet in the morning.

Going viral on Threads:

Adulting is difficult. One minute you’re proud of yourself, the next minute you feel like you’re not doing enough.

Going viral on Instagram:

Has anyone noticed what it’s beginning to look a lot like?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

My gf doesn’t really like it when I talk about my ex, which means I now have a lot of stories from college where I’m just alone for some reason.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

If we “talk,” you ain’t single. We’re in a pending relationship. You’re in the cart.

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Clever and funny quote about lateness and savoring freedom before arriving.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"No need to apologize, tardiness just means you were savoring the sweet taste of freedom for a bit longer! 😜⏳ #FashionablyLate"

being, enjoying, here, humor, i, last, late, management, minutes, not being, procrastination, sorry, time, time management

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Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on X this month:

My IQ used to be higher than my weight, but now I’m fat and dumb.

10 shares on Slack this month:

If these walls could talk, they would definitely say “Wow, this guy really does add cheese to everything after all!”

63 shares on YouTube this month:

I can usually cope with the opinions of others because I don’t listen.

13 shares on Facebook this month:

Peak delusion is believing that a paragraph will make someone treat you better.

45 shares on Discord this month:

The people who “don’t have time” and the people who “always find time” have the same amount of time.

54 shares on TikTok this month:

Sex is fine, but have you ever completed every single thing on your to-do list?

50 shares on Twitch this month:

In a parallel universe, I go to bed early and wake up fresh and unstoppable.

71 shares on Discord this month:

Just so you know, what you now call an energy bar is what my father gave the canary.

95 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If the USA is so great, why did someone make the USB?

79 shares on Instagram this month:

In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Apple’s secret growth engine: vibe coders paying the $99 Apple Developer Program fee.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Shoutout to all ladies dating silently without making noise on social media. May God give you another man as a bonus.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Some people you look at or hear talking and think to yourself, the wheel may be turning, but the hamster is dead.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

It’s weird how horses can run so fast but still suck at every other sport.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Gollum is like, “Actually, this is my emotional support precious.”

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

“You’re always sleeping!” God forbid a girl wants to be unconscious.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

You can tell a lot about a person by breaking into their home and going through their belongings.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

You know you’re an introvert when you want to go home before even leaving the house.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Jackie Chan used to say “I don’t want trouble“ and then break everybody’s legs.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

So why is it that when Star Trek ‘boldly go where no one has gone before’ they always find someone there?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I listen to rock music, my neighbors do too.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

My budget for this month is a smile, and I don’t know how long that will last.

Trending via Threads:

Patience: something you have when there are too many witnesses around.

Live now on Slack:

Pretending I’m asleep so my boss has to carry me to the meeting.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Not arguing with a man that can cook. Whatever you say, handsome.

Spotted on TikTok:

Words I heard most when I ran errands with my dad: “Wait in the truck.”

Trending via YouTube:

Going to McDonald’s to get the Grinch meal, then going to Burger King to get the Spongebob meal. Then disappearing into the forest for twenty years.

Spotted on Threads:

People will make you sad but cheese will always make you happy. The choice is simple.

Going viral on Instagram:

It’s crazy how social media convinced us that 15 likes aren’t enough. Imagine 15 people in real life telling you that you looked good.

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Activity Log ✨

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.

Apologize for the job that you do. It would be nice if you were talented too.

If Dracula had a cat, she’d be the one sleeping in the coffin.

Thanksgiving and Christmas should be six months apart. Absurd to see those people again so soon. Insane.

Going to a concert with a tomato in each hand just to make the band nervous.

Hi, I’m making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, you are one of them.

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is that don’t do that.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Apologize for the job that you do. It would be nice if you were talented too.

If Dracula had a cat, she’d be the one sleeping in the coffin.

Thanksgiving and Christmas should be six months apart. Absurd to see those people again so soon. Insane.

Going to a concert with a tomato in each hand just to make the band nervous.

Hi, I’m making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, you are one of them.

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is that don’t do that.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨