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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

I always figure it out on my own, I just need to panic first.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

The problem with rich people is that I am not one.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

Does anyone actually know how to pronounce Worcestershire sauce correctly, or do we all just stumble through it and hope for the best?

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Alexa, take responsibility for my actions.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

I wonder what the part of my brain that used to store people’s phone numbers is doing now.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Instead of being constantly irritated by other people’s flaws, I’ve decided to become more self-absorbed.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Common sense isn’t a gift. It’s a punishment, because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

My theory is that women’s voices contain frequencies that men simply can’t hear.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

When people say, “Stop living in the past,” my thought in turn is, “But the music was so much better then!”

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,686

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

White elephant: Nothing brings people together like fighting over absolute garbage.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Some people pack their lives so full of activities, appointments and people that I get exhausted just reading about it.

Just shared via Twitch:

When people tell me “you’re going to regret that in the morning”, I sleep until noon because I am a problem solver.

Shared recently on Threads:

If anyone wants to watch the Super Bowl on a large 8k TV, come on over to my place (and bring a large 8k TV).

Just landed via Snapchat:

What’s wrong, babe? You hardly touched your own advice you give to others.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Going to McDonald’s to get the Grinch meal, then going to Burger King to get the Spongebob meal. Then disappearing into the forest for twenty years.

Making waves on WeChat:

My OnlyFans is just hours of me untangling Christmas lights.

Going bananas on Reddit:

This alien invasion could have been an email.

Trending via Pinterest:

The fact that someone looked straight at a purple onion and named it red onion really bothers me.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Did you know 17 muscles are activated when you’re crying? Fitness is my passion.

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"No need to apologize, tardiness just means you were savoring the sweet taste of freedom for a bit longer! 😜⏳ #FashionablyLate"

being, enjoying, here, humor, i, last, late, management, minutes, not being, procrastination, sorry, time, time management

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My chess strategy is eating one of your pieces every time you look away.

0

2 months ago

away, chess, eating, every, humor, look away, pieces, strategy, time
I’m doing pretty good for someone who rarely has a clue.

0

4 months ago

attitude, clue, cluelessness, confidence, doing, good, humor, pretty, self-deprecating, someone
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and I’m like, cool, can one of you reach the top shelf for me.

0

6 months ago

boy, boys, cool, humor, joke, me, milkshake, reach, shelf, top, top shelf, yard
Unpopular Opinion: Die Hard is a Harry Potter movie. He sneaks around a tower at night avoiding Alan Rickman.

0

2 months ago

alan, Alan Rickman, around, avoiding, die, Die Hard, hard, harry, Harry Potter, humor, movie, night, opinion, potter, rickman, sneaking, tower, unpopular
I feel like an adult spelling bee would humble a lot of us.

0

2 months ago

adult, bee, challenge, competition, feel, humble, humor, i, literacy, lot, spelling, spelling bee, us
Two mysterious people live in my house. “Somebody” and “Nobody.” Somebody did it and nobody knows who.

0

2 months ago

house, live, nobody, people, somebody

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

91 shares on Pinterest this month:

Really wanted to be a therapist until I read some of your guys’ posts and problems, and I want nothing to do with that mess.

78 shares on Reddit this month:

In my years of experience, people who disagree with me are usually wrong.

43 shares on Slack this month:

Applying for jobs feels like auditioning to be enthusiastic about a blind date you haven’t even met yet.

45 shares on Slack this month:

It’s lowkey nothing else to do except become a better version of yourself, lol.

84 shares on Threads this month:

Money talks, but all mine ever says is goodbye.

72 shares on Threads this month:

Why can’t men just call you pretty without wording it uncomfortably?

74 shares on Reddit this month:

If a man says he’ll fix it, he will fix it. There’s no need to remind him every six months.

42 shares on Messenger this month:

Vatican City should be called Popenhagen.

68 shares on X this month:

Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.

87 shares on TikTok this month:

I’ve got the longest to-do list for today, just need to figure out who is going to do it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Have kids so you can say things you never thought you would like “please don’t vacuum your sister”

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

I wonder if my bank account thinks about me and has panic attacks.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there’s only 365 shopping days left until Christmas.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Googling “effect vs affect” in an incognito window.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Life is short. Tell people you love them, so they block you sooner.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

Not a fan of frozen pizza. Too cold, in my opinion.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

Not to be dramatic, but when I accidentally save a file twice and it adds that (1) at the end, it is the worst moment of my life.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

I’m shocked it offended you, I was certain someone was gonna need to explain it to you.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

The best part about NYC is you literally see a brand new, hottest woman in your entire life every single day.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

I heard God is testing both of us at the same time. Wanna hang out?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

Clearly, hell is empty, the demons are all here.

Breaking via Reddit:

If you saw me licking the plate after the charcuterie was finished, no you didn’t.

Just landed via Facebook:

Did you get the telepathic message I sent earlier?

Shared recently on Slack:

It’s been a pleasure miscommunicating with you.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Why have abs when you can have kebabs?

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.

Making waves on Discord:

She said she liked animals but apparently all the fruit flies around my apartment was a “turn off”

Making waves on Instagram:

Therapy? I have Spotify.

Seen just now on Discord:

After Michael Jordan joined a religious order, he was known as Air Friar.

Going viral on Threads:

You want me to do Pilates? The thing that killed Jesus?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

My chess strategy is eating one of your pieces every time you look away.

I’m doing pretty good for someone who rarely has a clue.

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and I’m like, cool, can one of you reach the top shelf for me.

Unpopular Opinion: Die Hard is a Harry Potter movie. He sneaks around a tower at night avoiding Alan Rickman.

I feel like an adult spelling bee would humble a lot of us.

Two mysterious people live in my house. “Somebody” and “Nobody.” Somebody did it and nobody knows who.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨