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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

During winter, it’s either lazy starvation or eight thousand calories in one sitting.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to annoy the shit out of a beautiful man for the rest of my life.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

It’s only a family vacation if you think “We’re never doing this again” at least once.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

My morning routine consists of talking myself out of quitting my job.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

If I was a weather man, I’d leak the weather early to pretty women.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Never say never. Unless someone asks you when you want to go camping. Then the right answer is always “Never.”

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

I just need my friends to know I would do absolutely anything for them, except reply to their message.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

The problem with believing that nothing matters except you, is that eventually everyone will just leave you alone to take extra special care of yourself.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

If I was a priest, I’d make my side of the confession booth really big so I could run around.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,516

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

My boss wants me to train some other employees so it’s pretty obvious he has no idea I am completely incompetent.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I am dressing for the job I want. I want to be a sweatpants model.

Trending via Snapchat:

Unless I say otherwise, I am always tired.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Nobody plays better together than siblings being told it’s bedtime.

Going viral on Telegram:

Asian parents give you unmoanable names so you can focus on your studies.

Breaking via Discord:

The me who snips coupons needs to communicate better with the me who walks into the stores.

Going viral on Instagram:

“I bought this while depressed” should be an acceptable reason to get a full refund on a return.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

The brand name Oral B is so funny to me. WTF does the B stand for?

Spotted on Instagram:

Lord of the Rings is wild cause Gandalf told Frodo he had to go on a super dangerous journey and Frodo was like “Ok, can I bring my gardener?”

Going bananas on X:

Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

Sorry I missed your call. I saw that you were calling and immediately threw my phone into an active volcano.

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Commentary:
🌋 Sorry I missed your call! 🔥 I saw your name popping up and thought, "Better make a sacrifice to the volcano gods!" 📵 Hope my phone call to Mother Nature was worth it! 🤣 #VolcanoLife

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

62 shares on Snapchat this month:

Be the reason your therapist reevaluates their entire career.

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

That was a nice hour long Twitter scroll. Feel much worse as always. See you guys tomorrow.

26 shares on Threads this month:

Are you my pinky toe, because I will bang you on all my furniture.

84 shares on TikTok this month:

You’re no Sultan of Swing, buddy, you’re hardly a Governor of Groove.

26 shares on TikTok this month:

I’ve never seen a Cybertruck with anyone in the passenger seat.

60 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’ve added lunges to my workout routine. It’s a big step forward.

53 shares on YouTube this month:

When I was a child, my social network was called ‘outside’.

25 shares on X this month:

Can I be 20 again? I know what to do this time.

14 shares on Twitch this month:

I put the “pro” in procrastinate.

79 shares on X this month:

Wonder if I should do something with my life, or kind of just continue to hang out.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s so crazy how people are never down to just go get a burger. It didn’t used to be like this.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

My age is news to me every single time I remember.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If you see me in public, it’s AI.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

People with air fryers really love to tell you what they air fry.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not lazy, I’m an inactivist.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

“So if I had kids, my kids would never…” Spoiler: Yes, they would.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Due to financial reasons, I will now be performing photosynthesis.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Flex on your kids by asking “are we there yet?” before they do.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,427

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

If small talk burned calories, maybe I’d consider it.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

I just sneezed my wife awake from a nap so any discussion about renewing vows is on hold for a bit.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Your car antlers tell me everything I need to know about you.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Your in his DMs, I’m on Etsy paying a witch to put a spell on him.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

I always make sure the garage door is shut. Wouldn’t want hoodlums stealing the stuff I’ve been meaning to get rid of for years.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

That awkward moment when someone keeps watching you while you are eating.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

It’s so hot, I just saw a squirrel fanning its nuts.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Coffee is just goth water.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

I just lost all my tabs. Only now do I understand the tragedy that was the burning of the Library of Alexandria.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

What if instead of Big Mac it was Big Matt and he came out and said hello to you?

Just landed via Reddit:

Nobody seems more shocked, disappointed and dismayed than the person behind the post office counter when I arrive and say I’ve got something to post.

Live now on Reddit:

Never underestimate the healing power of not watching the news.

Trending via Telegram:

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying works.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I’d rather be spotted in a strip club than a Subway.

Making waves on Messenger:

My stress stresses me out to the point where I’m too stressed to deal with my stress.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

At first, big breasts were attractive, then suddenly it was big butts. I’m waiting for it to finally be big bellies.

Just shared via Threads:

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you start eating chips.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Not to brag, but I boiled the right amount of pasta. Once. Five years ago.

Live now on Discord:

I have no need to judge people because of their religion, skin color or sexual orientation. Bad behavior is enough for me.

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