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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Spiders have the whole world to explore but still try to come up in my house.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

One person’s logic is another one’s “what the heck?”

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

I have now spread out a blue tarpaulin in the garden. I want it to look like I have a pool on Google Maps.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

It’s called a “sports car” because getting out of one after 40 is a physical event.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Short men store so much anger in their little body.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

There is no actual wolf in Wolf of Wall Street.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Please don’t take illegal substances. Or at least, don’t take MY illegal substances.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

Lord of the Rings is a story about a brave little Hobbit on a mission to destroy a ring and save the world, and his annoying friend Frodo.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

As a dad, you’re required to ask your neighbor “You gonna do mine next?” when you see them raking leaves.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,636

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

American homes are so strange because, why is your front door in the living room?

Just landed via YouTube:

I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things? That’s how they get you.

Making waves on Messenger:

SEO experts be like: I was eating a banana when my traffic increased, so bananas are definitely a ranking factor.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Birthday sex is having sex to celebrate your parents having sex.

Shared recently on X:

I think I’ll spend my savings on a lifetime supply of pasta. Worth every penne.

Going viral on Messenger:

Pro tip: When you sign up for anything online, put the website’s name as your middle name. Now, when you receive spam, you will know who sold your data.

Shared recently on Discord:

Bring me a higher love. You have 24 hours. No cops.

Going viral on Threads:

If your kids aren’t drinking enough water, tell them it’s bedtime.

Making waves on X:

Please respond to the messages I almost sent you.

Going bananas on Reddit:

School reunion is a scam… nobody is missing anyone, they just want to know whether you have made it in life or not.

Sorry, I’m late. I sat on my bed in a towel for 45 minutes, staring at the wall.

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Sorry, I’m late. I sat on my bed in a towel for 45 minutes, staring at the wall.
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Commentary:
Sounds like a productive meeting with the wall’s latest updates 🛋️⏳🧖‍♂️

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on WeChat this month:

Of course the laundry has to be done, but the wine doesn’t drink itself either.

85 shares on Facebook this month:

Family Guy is so insane because, why were people dating that dog?

39 shares on Slack this month:

There’s no denying that I have an effect on men. Mostly migraines, but an effect nonetheless.

47 shares on Messenger this month:

Socialism is like polio, it comes back when people forget about the horrible damage it did last time.

30 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m tired of being an adult. Therefore, I will be stepping down. Thank you!

16 shares on Pinterest this month:

Every word wishes it could sound as fun as falafel.

91 shares on Instagram this month:

I had a heated but interesting discussion today and they even agreed with me at the end. That’s exactly why I love talking to myself.

39 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ve decided to become an organ donor. When I die, I want an elephant to get a new trunk.

57 shares on Threads this month:

Just in case you don’t know, it’s “piqued” your interest, not “peaked”.

85 shares on Threads this month:

My dream is being pitted against the world’s greatest AI in a writing contest and crafting a story that’s so beautiful that I make the computer cry.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I passed my genetic engineering exam with flying koalas.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I love how bananas just take over the whole smoothie. You can never dim her light.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

“It’s not that deep.” Of course it’s not. With a shallow mind like yours, nothing ever is.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I love convincing myself iced coffee counts as hydration and self-care.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I didn’t mean to mimic your voice, I just had to know what it felt like to sound like that.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Never underestimate my ability to stare out a window and not speak for hours on a car ride.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever was the first to shorten “Richard” down to “Dick” must have really hated that guy.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t invite me if there’s nowhere to sit down.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re doing cardio.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,470

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Forrest Gump is a haunting film about how long you have to wait for a bus in America.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

I’m okay with being single. But at night, while I’m drunk, that’s too much.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

January-me would not believe the life I lived this year.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Prophecy class has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

By the time my CVS receipt finished printing, I was eligible for another prescription refill.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Gnocchi: The small, chubby children of spaghetti and potatoes.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Snaccident: eating a whole bag of Doritos in one sitting.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

We were supposed to have flying cars and other cool stuff, but instead we have AI videos showing Michael Jackson eat at McDonald’s.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

My new diet plan is to hibernate and live off all this fat I’ve accumulated.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

They should invent health insurance that insures your health.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

An adventure and a dragon would cure me.

Spotted on Threads:

Sleeping is nice, because you’re not actually dead and you’re not awake, so its a win-win situation.

Breaking via Messenger:

I’m just falling in love with my problems now. Maybe they’ll leave me too.

Going viral on Reddit:

I didn’t know that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I wasn’t on that job.

Just landed via Snapchat:

If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Thanksgiving is just me trying to look cute while holding a fork like a medieval warrior.

Going viral on YouTube:

Congratulations to the sweater, another year of being the most disgustingly named piece of clothing.

Just landed via Twitch:

We don’t make people walk the plank like we used to.

Making waves on Threads:

Your life can’t fall apart if you never had it together.

Just landed via Telegram:

Saw the eye doctor, and that’s 90% of the vision test right there.

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