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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

I’ve reached the age where I would rather go to a hardware store than a club.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Why do fruit flies be everywhere but at the supermarket? Ain’t that like their Golden Corral?

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Grateful to be living in the “Tetris when it’s going too fast and blocks are helplessly piling up” era of human history.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

I wish someone would light up the way Siri does when I say, “Hey.”

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes it’s cancer.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Sunday without HBO feels like a meal without carbs — empty and deeply wrong.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

I’m not alone. I have ants.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Need to become a tour guide. I’ve just realized it’s the only job I can think of that combines my loves of walking around and knowing more than everyone around me.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

I don’t need to grow a thick skin. The world needs to grow fewer thorns.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,258

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I personally feel like I have what it takes to become a fossil.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Went out of town, came back and the roomba changed all the locks.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Being awake is the worst.

Spotted on Slack:

I’m starting to think the voice in my head doesn’t like me very much.

Just landed via Threads:

If the man is silent, he is a thinker. If the woman is silent, the thinker is in big trouble.

Going viral on Instagram:

Congratulations on getting to the red light first. You’re special.

Live now on Telegram:

Roses are red, violets are blue. Your parents are very disappointed in you.

Just shared via Snapchat:

In honor of the last eclipse, I will also get in the way of someone brighter than me.

Seen just now on Reddit:

If you’re having trouble finding the match to one of your socks, throw it away and the missing one will immediately show up. Follow me for more life hacks.

Just landed via YouTube:

Is it a good sign when your therapist keeps saying Ka-Ching?

Sunday is proof that time travel exists, because it was just Friday.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Ah, the mystic art of weekend teleportation! 🚀🕒 Fridays vanish faster than my willpower at a dessert table! 🍰😄

day, Friday, humor, just, proof, Sunday, time, time travel, travel, weekend

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My day starts backwards, I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.

2 months ago

awake, backwards, bed, daily, daily routine, day, humor, i, morning, night, reverse, routine, sleep, tired, wake, wide
Touched a tree and accidentally absorbed 400 years of wisdom and 2 squirrel secrets.

23 hours ago

2, accidental, accidentally, humor, nature, secret, secrets, squirrel, supernatural, tree, wisdom
Tailgating me while I’m going 90 in a 45 is crazy. And those red and blue lights on top of your car look stupid, btw, lol.

2 months ago

90, blue, blue light, car, crazy, driving, enforcement, going, law, law enforcement, light, lights, lol, me, police, red, red light, sarcasm, speeding, stupid, tailgate, top, traffic, while
Stop dating if you have no car.

7 hours ago

advice, car, dating, humor, relationship, stop
I just got lied to by 3K+ people. That recipe was awful.

2 months ago

awful, cooking, disappointment, humor, i, just, lie, people, recipe
Biggest flex is when your friend’s mom uses you as a good example.

3 months ago

compliment, example, flex, friend, friends, friendship, good, humor, mom, social, social status, status

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on X this month:

Mood to play music louder than my thoughts.

86 shares on Messenger this month:

The fact that I procrastinate and still get the job done is the reason I still procrastinate.

85 shares on Messenger this month:

If I were an organ, I’d fail.

31 shares on WeChat this month:

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

25 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I wish people knew how good I can sing when I’m alone in my car and in my shower.

66 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ve heard that some people have kids who sleep through the night and I’d like to know if they use tranquilizers or chloroform.

27 shares on WeChat this month:

Needlenose in HR says we can’t use nicknames anymore.

45 shares on Messenger this month:

Gonna start using “with all dude respect”.

80 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t care if it’s AI or an immigrant, I desperately need someone to take my job, it’s killing me.

26 shares on YouTube this month:

One person’s logic is another one’s “what the heck?”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

Spell your crush’s name backwards, mine is yenom.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Better to be a wolf that everyone hates, than a donkey that everyone rides.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

I wouldn’t walk 500 miles, and then walk 500 more.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

The global energy crisis could be solved if only we could harness the power of my wife slamming my car door.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Dear diary, sorry for only ever talking about myself. How are you? Do you have any hobbies?

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

Sometimes, in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken, I ask myself “did I just run a red light?”

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

I dreamed I won the lottery, so you can imagine how thrilled I was to wake up and get ready for work.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

If insomnia were a sport, I’d have endorsement deals.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

Baby, no job is ever that serious for you to be a work snitch.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Discord:

Before the internet, people thought that there was only one idiot per town. We were so wrong.

Making waves on X:

Growing your own tomatoes really is the best way to devote 3 months of your life to saving $2.17.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Old people are right about crosswords and morning stretches, I will admit.

Trending via Snapchat:

I don’t always whoop, but when I do, there it is.

Live now on Messenger:

Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.

Just landed via WeChat:

At what point is a salad no longer a salad based on how much bacon I add?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Guy in front of me at the movies was reading the popcorn Wikipedia page while he was eating popcorn.

Just shared via TikTok:

“This isn’t going to end well for you.” Me, alone in the house, to the cake on the counter.

Trending via Messenger:

The oceans are rising because no one is drinking their recommended 8-12 glasses of water per day.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Welcome to adulthood. You have a favorite gas station now.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sunday is proof that time travel exists, because it was just Friday.

Keep the laugh going 😂

My day starts backwards, I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.

Touched a tree and accidentally absorbed 400 years of wisdom and 2 squirrel secrets.

Tailgating me while I’m going 90 in a 45 is crazy. And those red and blue lights on top of your car look stupid, btw, lol.

Stop dating if you have no car.

I just got lied to by 3K+ people. That recipe was awful.

Biggest flex is when your friend’s mom uses you as a good example.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨