Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Welcome to your 40s: you get tired from sleeping now.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Work again? Really? Didn’t I just do that yesterday?

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

I think we should all try to spend more time online. It seems to be helping society.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

For the record, I use a turntable.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Imagine buying a new car, and some superhero throws it at an alien.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

You’re either snacking with me or snacking against me.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Showing your emotions to the wrong people is like bleeding next to a shark.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

What’s a polite way to tell someone you hope they get mauled by a bear?

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

I’ve arrived like the sun: blinding, necessary, and impossible to ignore.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,680

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via YouTube:

Hardly a day goes by without me being reminded that an academic degree has nothing to do with intelligence.

Spotted on Slack:

I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I’m bringing back “hold your horses” and nobody can stop me.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I’m blunt because the universe rolled me that way.

Making waves on Facebook:

Sorry, I said yippee when you took off your pants. Do you still think I’m hot?

Going bananas on YouTube:

You better pray to whatever god you serve that this email finds you before I do.

Just shared via Telegram:

I’ll be like “it is what it is” and almost vomit from anxiety.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Imagine hating me while I’m just over here being lazy and minding my own business.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I hate when cashiers feel the need to check if my money is real. If I could make counterfeit money, I wouldn’t be at the Dollar Tree, Karen.

Spotted on Slack:

Pinterest recipe so long that it’s now a limited series on Netflix.

Sunday is proof that time travel exists, because it was just Friday.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the mystic art of weekend teleportation! 🚀🕒 Fridays vanish faster than my willpower at a dessert table! 🍰😄

day, Friday, humor, just, proof, Sunday, time, time travel, travel, weekend

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You know it’s bad when people start telling you, you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

0

3 months ago

bad, compliment, encouragement, ever, humor, interaction, irony, know, met, people, person, resilience, social, social interaction, start, strength, telling
My body cracks like a glow stick every time I move, but refuses to light up.

0

2 months ago

aging, body, cracks, every, fitness, glow, glow stick, humor, i, light, move, noise, pain, stick, time
If I could be in two places at once, I’d be in bed twice.

0

2 months ago

bed, humor, i, ID, places, relaxation, sleep, twice
Sorry I can’t come today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and it was tragic.

0

2 months ago

brother, died, excuse, fish, friend, friends, grandpa, grandson, humor, i, mother, sister, sorry, today, tragedy, uncle
The difference between me and Superman is that he has super vision, and I need supervision.

0

5 months ago

comparison, difference, humor, i, joke, me, need, super, super vision, superman, supervision, vision, wordplay
I might look like I have my life together, but that’s only because the mess is out of the camera frame.

0

2 months ago

camera, chaos, frame, humor, humor quote, i, joke, life, mess, only, together

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on X this month:

I don’t understand the desire to rock climb. We have stairs for that now. Problem solved.

70 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket.

25 shares on Facebook this month:

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is: don’t do that!

80 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Petition to bring back payphones in public places. I don’t want to give my kid a phone, I want to give him a quarter.

53 shares on Snapchat this month:

Last time I laid on his chest, I heard girls in there laughing at me.

19 shares on X this month:

Sneaking up behind people and marrying them.

15 shares on Snapchat this month:

Any tips on being smart? For someone just getting into thinking.

31 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Establish dominance by showing up with all your childhood trophies.

66 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There are too many movies about vampire hunters and not enough about vampire gatherers.

33 shares on Discord this month:

Look, the problem with The Life of a Showgirl is that, for maybe the first time in her music career, Taylor Swift has nothing to say.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

If it ain’t broke, my kids haven’t used it yet.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Made it to Friday, but at what cost? Monday is literally in 20 minutes.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

I’m very loyal to whatever brand is on sale.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Clearly, hell is empty, the demons are all here.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Her heart is a combination of wildflowers and wildfires, delicate, yet so fierce.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

I hate to brag but I excel at my faults.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

The best proof that fairy tales are fictional is the fact that the prince is always an intelligent and handsome single man.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, you need professional help.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

French is bullshit. They keep changing the translation of ‘soup du jour’ each day.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

You’re so cultured I’mma start calling you Yogurt.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

Going viral on X:

Some people pack their lives so full of activities, appointments and people that I get exhausted just reading about it.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Having divorced parents as an adult is funny because you and your siblings are like, “Damn, who has custody of Mom today?”

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I’m officially at the age where I enjoy when people cancel plans.

Trending via YouTube:

Double chins are better than double faces.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

We’ve been talking about eating the rich for so long, they got over-ripe.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

The light at the end of the tunnel is only the headlight of the oncoming train.

Going viral on Pinterest:

My sneeze is the reason people in the middle ages believed sneezing was caused by demon possession.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Sundays are no place for pants or responsibility.

Going viral on YouTube:

My hobbies include sleeping and feeling like I’ve never slept.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sunday is proof that time travel exists, because it was just Friday.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

You know it’s bad when people start telling you, you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

My body cracks like a glow stick every time I move, but refuses to light up.

If I could be in two places at once, I’d be in bed twice.

Sorry I can’t come today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and it was tragic.

The difference between me and Superman is that he has super vision, and I need supervision.

I might look like I have my life together, but that’s only because the mess is out of the camera frame.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨