The feminine urge to act clueless while knowing everything.

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Fun fact: If Celine Dion sang only the vowels in her name, it would be the lyrics to Old McDonalds Farm.

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Adulthood is about being able to eat cookies for breakfast, but not doing it because you already ate all the cookies.

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Not using emoji while texting is my way to show that I’m serious.

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We need a true crime show called Downtown Stabby.

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People tell introverts to talk more and get out of their comfort zone, but no one tells extroverts to shut up to make the zone comfortable.

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The grass is only greener on the other side because of all the bullshit on it.

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I hate it when my AirPods die instead of me.

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I got called “pretty” today! Well, the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying,” but I only focus on the positive things.

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Forgetting your phone at home is the modern equivalent of leaving your sword behind in medieval times.

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We should thank heaven for nipples. Without them boobs would be pointless.