The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.

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Unfortunately most of my sex noises come from trying to get out of bed.

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As an academic, I sometimes dream about writing fiction instead, and then I remember grant proposals.

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Let’s see how long my Monday slump lasts this time. Last week it was until Friday.

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Demi Lovato is short for demilitarized love potato.

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Go ahead. Order anything you want. Money is no object when we dine at IKEA.

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Sometimes the laugh is funnier than the joke itself.

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I’m gonna get my vasectomy done at Home Depot like a real man.

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If someone asks you why you’re single, just answer with: “Got lucky.”

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If you think one of my posts is about you, it isn’t. Except this one.

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There is no sex. I lied. You are gonna lay here and take personality quizzes with me.