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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

Apparently it’s inappropriate to yell out “Shots, shots, shots, shots” while your child’s getting immunizations at the pediatrician’s office.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

How can I be expected to get out of bed when I don’t want to?

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Life is what happens in between trips to the fridge.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

‘Tis the season to wrap objects in colorful paper with the fine motor skills of a T-Rex.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Gave my family the wrong address for our beach rental. Hoping to get a couple days in before they find me.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Please be delicate with me, I’m built like a Nature Valley bar.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

My milkshakes bring all the bots to the yard.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

I never oversleep in the mornings. I set an alarm and a back-up alarm. Plus, there’s also a noisy kid once those fail.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Just a friendly reminder folks. Don’t forget to set back your rooster this weekend.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

834 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,996

Funny Quotes Topics

13,938

Funny Quotes Images

10,996

5 minutes ago

3,425

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

So grateful for pillows. My head works hard, it deserves its own bed.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

They should have a special lane for texting and driving.

Reported on Telegram:

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

Going viral on Telegram:

I was not meant for Microsoft Teams.

Going viral on X:

Remember: if nobody hates you, you’re not trying hard enough.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Long distance relationships can work if the four of you all truly trust each other.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

My first mistake of my life was my birth.

Seen just now on Slack:

This entire month could’ve been an email.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Pirate: walks the plank. Someone’s dad: Is this teak?

Spotted on Messenger:

Hello 911? Yes, my wife is forcing me to walk over to meet the neighbors.

They should invent weekends that are long-lasting.

4 months ago

They should invent weekends that are long-lasting.

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Commentary:
"Imagine a weekend so long, by the time it's over, you've forgotten what day it is! 🤯📆 Who needs just two days off when you can have a never-ending weekend full of relaxation and procrastination? 💤⏳ Let's petition for the invention of the eternal weekend – because Mondays are highly overrated! 🙅‍♂️☀️ #WeekendGoals"

fun, invent, invention, leisure, long-lasting, relaxation, should, time, time off, weekend

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

834 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,996

Funny Quotes Topics

13,938

Funny Quotes Images

10,996

5 minutes ago

3,434

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

At the grocery store, but forgot my wife’s list so I guess I’ll just follow this other guy around and get what he gets.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Imagine being a giraffe and having to throw up.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Micro-dosing time travel by going to bed.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

If I was a little smarter, I’d be aware of how stupid I am.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

My husband thinks he can just order me around like he’s one of the cats.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

I want my name to come up when you go to confession.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Who called it girl math and not galgebra?

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

I got 3 miles in before breakfast. That’s enough driving for the day.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Never go to bed angry. Stay up and finish the argument like an adult.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Guys love being called “daddy” until the pregnancy test comes back positive.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Discord:

Listen to your body? The body that craves a lethal amount of Kinder Bueno?

Seen just now on Telegram:

The older I get, the more I lose my looks. But I’m also losing my eyesight, so it’s not my problem.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Sneaking up behind people and marrying them.

Just shared via Pinterest:

When the executioner asks me what my final words are, I’m just going to start filibustering.

Seen just now on Threads:

Don’t believe in yourself, you can’t do it.

Trending via Pinterest:

When you drink red wine from a cup, it looks like fruit tea and you are also admired by others for your healthy lifestyle.

Spotted on Instagram:

My favorite yoga pose is the one where you eat a sandwich.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I have had songs stuck in my head and I have had people stuck in my head, I highly recommend songs.

Trending via Reddit:

I don’t text. I will contact you telepathically.

Seen just now on YouTube:

It’s freaking me out to think of how bad I’d look at the Met Gala.

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