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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

I want to run through your dreams and settle in your nightmares.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

You don’t need to leave a message in a bottle. If the bottle is full of tequila, I’ll get the message.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m going to need to rewatch Idiocracy to see what happens next.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Helpful police officer reminded me he’s the one asking the questions.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

I can resist everything except temptation.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Living alone is so dumb, you’ll be asking your pets if they’ve seen your phone, and those lazy bastards never know.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Doesn’t matter, Your Honor! I, for one, found it very funny.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Nothing is impossible, except for my daughter returning home with the hat and gloves she wore to school this morning.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

I will never forget how to spell bananas, thanks to Gwen Stefani.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Worst part of a corporate job is no tips. Someone should slip you a $20 if you write a killer email.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,386

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

People who get 0-5 likes at max and still tweet all the time… What’s your secret?

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I can feel your energy from two planets away.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

You know what I never see anymore are those old alcoholics with the weird noses.

Making waves on Messenger:

Have you ever pretended not to look at the biscuits or sweets being handed around the room, and acted surprised when you got offered one?

Just shared via Reddit:

You can’t spell disappointment without me.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Damn, I just realized that the future idealized version of myself can’t exist without current me being the catalyst for change and doing hard things.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

You can’t argue with me because I’ll just agree with you until you leave.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

When there’s food around, our cat is like an adorable, fluffy shark circling round.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

My plumber asked me for a Google review. I said I thought it was a really good search engine and I’d give it 8/10.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Just learned in psychology that when a man goes to sleep first, it’s because he’s comfortable around you and wants you to go through his phone.

They’re calling me the unemployee of the month.

7 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous text about being humorously dubbed "Unemployee of the Month."

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Commentary:
Looks like your “work” from home strategy is really paying off! 😆🏆📅

calling, employee, humor, joke, me, month, unemployee, unemployment, work

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Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“Comparison is the thief of joy!” Well, not if you’re better than everyone else.

13 shares on X this month:

Your Majesty” would be the best name for a cat.

82 shares on WhatsApp this month:

For a guy supposedly called my “brother,” I’ve never seen him make broth even once.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

Unknown numbers will call me, then expect me to talk first. Welcome to the breathing competition.

47 shares on X this month:

Most of my exercise comes from getting up to let the cat in and out.

28 shares on Threads this month:

Ever thought about centaurs and how the bottom half would start walking immediately after birth but the top part would be baby-like and flop around for a while.

83 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t care about life on other planets. I don’t even have a life on this one.

100 shares on Discord this month:

“I’m not jealous of nobody but stay-at-home wives who are married to wealthy men.”

52 shares on Instagram this month:

As a beautiful woman, sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is “ew.”

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

Slowly I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Men have feelings too! Hunger, for example. Or thirst.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

God forbid a girl wanna kiss and be kissed.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Once I started spending my own money, I realized my mom was right. We do have food at home.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

Body by sandwich.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

There’s nothing I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

But if i put my laundry away, the laundry chair will be out of a job.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

My brain doesn’t sea typos until I’ve already hit send.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

“Autophagy” would be a beautiful name for a girl.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Age is just a number that you keep off of Facebook after 35.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Probably the worst thing about the death of print media is the devastating effect it’s having on the producers of traditional ransom notes.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

You know what I never see anymore are those old alcoholics with the weird noses.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Is there really anything worse than being forced to watch a video on someone else’s phone and having to pretend to laugh for 2 minutes?

Spotted on Telegram:

Age ceases to be just a number everytime the airline announces seating queue priority.

Going bananas on TikTok:

The week be like Mooonnnday, Tueeesday, Weeeeednesday, Thuuuuursday, FriSatSun

Making waves on TikTok:

You’d think the heat and humidity would steam some of the wrinkles out of my body.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Europeans read a lot because their television shows suck.

Spotted on Threads:

I don’t care if I’m standing in the window, if I said I ain’t home, I ain’t home.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

The part where the music beat is going from your left ear to the right at different intervals.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Elevator music is bad on so many levels.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I’m gonna be the first zoomer to start dropping the ‘two thousand’ when referring to the past. “Yeah, that was back in ‘17.”

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Activity Log ✨

They’re calling me the unemployee of the month.

January 1st always feels like a Sunday, regardless of what day it’s actually on.

You can have kids or you can always know where your scissors are. You can’t have both.

Who is praying on my downfall right now and can you stop?

Lost my Thesaurus. Gutted. Really gutted. Like absolutely gutted.

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I asked R2D2, and he said you’re a loser.

So blunt, you can smoke my truth.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

They’re calling me the unemployee of the month.

Keep the laugh going 😂

January 1st always feels like a Sunday, regardless of what day it’s actually on.

You can have kids or you can always know where your scissors are. You can’t have both.

Who is praying on my downfall right now and can you stop?

Lost my Thesaurus. Gutted. Really gutted. Like absolutely gutted.

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I asked R2D2, and he said you’re a loser.

So blunt, you can smoke my truth.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨